Saturday, August 13, 2011

Chicago Pros & Cons, Part II

When traveling on business I don't ask for a lot when it comes to hotels.
Close to the work site is a primary concern.
Working AC, clean towels, hot water that is actually hot, relative quiet in the hallways at the night.
A guest laundry is nice but not mandatory.
(I won't have the hotel do the laundry- it's cheaper to throw away shirts, socks and underwear and buy brand new ones rather than pay hotel laundry prices.)

But bed softness machinery, pillow varieties, bathrobes, moisturizing lotion made from unicorn earwax, 50" plasma 1080i TV, on-call guest services...
Don't really need it.

And I've been staying at the full spectrum of hotels on this gig...
Small chain places, medium market hotels, and some pretty nice places.
Everything from small Comfort Inns to Sheratons, Westins, and W hotels.

The one here in Chicago is a hoot- the W Hotel on Adams.
Very frou-frou. Lots of soft edges, pastel lighting, frosted glass, techno/jazz ambient music.
It's got a happenin' nightclub in the lobby too... This comes into play later.

W Hotels have a habit of classifying their rooms by a puzzling set of adjectives -
You can get a Wonderful room, a Spectacular room, a Fabulous room, a Mega room, a Fantastic suite, a Marvelous suite, a WOW suite and the Extreme-WOW suite.

Extreme WOW Suite:
Who needs dreamland when you have the master bedroom's king-sized custom-designed opium bed with the signature W pillowtop mattress? As sheer drapery falls over the bed's faux leather finishing with pewter shimmer, a bench on the other side of the headboard creates a semi-private indoor cabana for the perfect intimate conversation, complete with circular chrome accent tables for drinks and a 42" flat screen LCD TV in this sunlit island of leisure. In the bathroom adorned with Bliss® Spa sinkside six bath amenities, will you settle into the chromatherapy whirlpool soaking bath tub or step under the rainforest shower which opens up to the terrace. The signature W bed, spectacular city views and the 32" LCD TV make the guest bedroom a sight to behold, together with a free-standing concrete cast tub surrounded by river rocks.

60" LCD Flat Screen TV in living room
Books and Board Games
Oversized Bathroom with Walk-In Closet
Dining/Conference Area
Master Bedroom with 42" LCD Flat Screen TV
Full-Service Kitchen
Oversized Wraparound Terrace with Access From All Rooms
Panoramic Views
Wet Bar
Guest Bedroom with 32" LCD TV and Bathroom
Separate Bar and Coffee Table
Powder Room
Bang & Olufsen BEOSound 1 Entertainment System

Holy crap.
It's all wasted on me.

As long as my wake-up call comes at 6:10, I could give a rats ass about 350-thread-count sheets and goose-down comforters.
I'd rather stay at a Hampton Inn or Marriott if it was closer to the United Center.
The problem with that is the UC is in the Hood...So, nope.

So... I'm ready to head to UC this morning at 7am- I'm down at the front door, waiting for my car...
And the parade is going on... The Walk of Shame.

Sorry, stock photo. I'll see if I can catch some originals tomorrow.

During my 10 minute wait I saw 6 girls head out, little black dresses, sunglasses, raccoon eyes or smudged mascara, one of them was barefoot- carrying her stiletto heels rather than wearing them, all of them very focused- a straight line from the front door to the taxi...

Which led me to a little research...and a pretty cool piece of marketing genius.

The Walk of Shame Kit.

A white dress/coverup, flip flops, drawstring backpack, sunglasses, pre-pasted toothbrush, wipes and a call me/don't call me card.

An enterprising youngster might find a great niche business, running a walk-of-shame-kit delivery service.
Operating from 4am to 8AM, discretely delivering rescue kits to hotel rooms and frat houses across the city.
(Maybe even offer the Deluxe version that contains a heavy-duty antibiotic and a Morning-After pill.)



Borepatch said...

That kit is awesome.

The hotel sounds like it would drive me nuts. I dig Hampton Inn.

The Big Guy said...

The most irritating is the old-school 3D walls in the elevator.

Seriously, they have all the walls in the 'vator lined with the old plastic prism 3D stuff (remember the old post cards?) with a vertigo-inducing display of diamonds and pearls...
Add constantly variable lighting ranging from ultraviolent (yes, don't question my spelling) to infrarage. And the color changes through the entire spectrum in 20 seconds.
Nausea in a 4x4 box, unless you've been sipping the Absinth/Ecstasy martinis in the lounge.