The Naming of Drinks is a Difficult Matter

...It isn't just one of your holiday games...

I was over reading Naughty Drinks over at Slashfood and remembered an incident from about 10 or 12 years ago that I thought I'd share with y'all...

We had just finished up working at a local event and retired to the post-event party at a local sports bar.
My co-conspirator (who shall rename maneless for the moment) was relatively newly divorced...Within the last year or so.
There was a small gaggle of what we would call Cougars today gathered at the bar, drinking girly drinks and acting silly. Ripe pickings for someone who might need a little "relief", if you know what I mean (nudge nudge, wink wink).

One of Co-Conspirator's biggest obstacle to Closing The Deal is the fact that he doesn't know when to Shut Up...
(Seriously, he will go on and on and on and on about anything and everything. Forever. Without stopping. Ever. Really.)
Knowing his propensity for this, I suggested that I'd get the ball rolling for him and if he played his cards right and would SHUTthefuckUP, he might be well be getting a little roll in the hay that evening.

Your Truly: "Listen: don't talk about your job, what you do, who you know or where you go for fun... Ask them, then SHUT UP. Get them talking about themselves and what they do and who they know."
Co-Conspirator: "Ok. I think I've got you. Make them talk to me, not me talk to them."
YT: "Right. There's 4 of them; one one of them ought to have low enough standards that you might actually get lucky IF YOU SHUT UP."

So... I ordered a round of drinks for the Cougars, a group of volunteers that worked for BellSouth and volunteered at local events in order to get out of the house and have a little fun occasionally.

After introductions I moved off to talk to some other folks that I knew and cast an eye over toward Co-Conspirator and his victims occasionally, just to check on things...
Well.
A little time went by and I hadn't checked on them in a bit so I wandered over that direction and saw that disaster had struck...
One of the ladies had bailed, and the other three were politely listening but looking for any opportunity to leave.
One caught my eye and sent me a "Please put me out of my misery" look...

I motioned to the bartender and placed an order, then went to the rescue...

Co-Conspirator was expounding on something inane and pointless- how to strip Cat-5 cables or TCP/IP security layers or something equally uninteresting to Cougars...
"Ladies!" I boomed, stepping in and cutting off Co-Conspirator mid-sentence.
"I see gangrene has set in..." getting a much-needed laugh out of them.
I fixed Co-Conspirator with a raised eyebrow- an implied warning to him not to say a word, and continued to address the ladies.
"I know it's killing you not to hear the rest of the fascinating details that Co-Conspirator was just sharing with you, but it seems like it's time for fresh drinks for everyone..."
The bartender was bringing the drinks over about then and I gave them to the appropriate recipients.
"For Laura, a Sex-on-the-Beach." I said, giving her the red-tinted glass.
"For the lovely and talented Linda, one Screaming Orgasm. Enjoy." and gave Linda the appropriate glass of liquor.
"And for Nancy, a Slow....Comfortable....Screw." drawing out the name and giving her the sloe gin/Southern Comfort/OJ cocktail...
"and for my co-conspirator- I was going to order him a Slippery Nipple, but I don't think he'd enjoy that as much as he would, say, Blow-Job-in-the-Parking-Lot. Instead, he'll be having a 'Going-Home-Alone-and-Masturbating' later... The bartender can't find all the ingredients right now." I finished. Co-Conspirator looked like I had hit him in the face with a mackerel.
I raised my glass-
"Cheers, Ladies! Bottoms up, so to speak."
As Mark Twain would say, 'At this point we shall draw the curtain of charity on the scene, to avoid further embarrassment.'

Good times, good times...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE