Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I Know What I'm Doing Tonight...



I'll be playing the STFU Obama State of the Union Drinking Game...

Take one drink every time:

- Urkel the Narcissistic Putz says any form of  I, me, my or mine, or makes any other self-reference.
- Queen Nancy pops up and claps like a botox-addled jack-in-the-box.
- Any time applause breaks out and lasts for more than 10 seconds.
- Bonus Drink: If during applause, cameras cut to a Republican who is not applauding and looks like he's rather be having a root-canal than watching this crap, drink twice.
- The cameras cut to Mrs Urkel and whatever job loss/bad economy case history the White House will plant next to her, for Urkel to tell a sob story about.
- Urkel blames the previous administration for the still-existing problems that he told everyone he'd wave his magic wand and fix.
- Urkel says: Let me be clear...
- You can spot any male in the crowd wearing a suit in any color other than black, gray, or navy blue. (Supreme Court Justice sightings are exempt.)

Special cases:
- Cap and Trade - Swap drinks with the person next to you and drink
- Health Care Reform - Drink (Sip) a Boston Sour - (2 oz Blended whiskey, Juice of 1/2 Lemon, 1 tsp Powdered sugar ,1 Egg white, 1 slice Lemon, ,1 Cherry)
- Nancy Pelosi closeup or without Urkel in the shot - You must drink without moving your facial muscles.

- Camera shot of Scott Brown - Drink a Kennedy's Seat - (47 year old bourbon and sour grapes.)
- Camera shot of Joe "You Liar" Wilson: Drink a Pink Faced Liar (2 oz Ketel One vodka, 1 oz Tanqueray gin, 4 oz Mountain Dew Code Red soda, 2 splashes grenadine syrup, 4 oz Schweppes tonic water)

Let's see- STFU SOTU starts at 9:00pm EST... 6 out here in dope-smokin', tree-huggin', nanny state of British Columbia...
I'm planning on being hammered by 6:45...the waitresses at the Shark Club better have their A-game tonight, cause it's going to get ugly.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

4 comments:

Mr.B said...

the speech he SHOULD give:

http://middleoftheright.blogspot.com/2010/01/first-draft-of-sotu-speech.html

SOrry (sorta) for the shameless self promotion.

TOTWTYTR said...

If I tried to play that game, my liver would explode before the SOTU was over.

Jennifer said...

just finished watching. You must be passed out.

Luc said...

Yeah, BG, are you pissed drunk? ;)