...Are gonna get ourselves shot, jailed or banned from CVS.
Next door to The World's Shittiest Sheraton is a CVS Pharmacy shoehorned into a very small space.
Given its location (Downtown Indy) and proximity to a busy bus stop, there is a large spectrum of humanity patronizing the place... From the panhandler just outside in his wheelchair with the illegible 'Plese Help' sign to the tourists, business folk, homeless people, politicians, street people, students and Yours Truly trying to buy Useful Shit, it's a busy place.
I skip the 8-person deep line for the cashier and head for one of the 2 express self-checkout machines...
(Credit card only, no cash, no cash back.)
I hear an urban individual aggressively panhandling everyone in line, one at a time.
His patter... "Hey man, gimme a dolla. Hey man. Need me a dolla fo' ma drank. Gimme a dolla!"
Most folks ignored him and he moved on to the next possible purveyor of 'dollaz'...
Until he got to me.
The end of the line.
He felt he needed to step up his game.
Agressive Urban Individual: "Hey man. Gimme a dolla."
YT: Silence. Continue to scan my items.
AUI: "Hey man. Gimme a dolla. I know you gots a dolla fo me."
AUI: "C'mon Big Man. Don't you got a dolla fo me?"
Now, AUI is a lanky guy, 6', wraparound sunglasses, and an ornate grill with enough metalwork to set off the detectors that control the traffic lights as he crosses the street. The belt line of his 'shorts' is around mid-thigh, and he's wearing (conservativley) $200 worth of Nike sneakers fashionably untied.
I have nothing for this guy.
I have one $20 (nope), about 80 pesos, $10 Australian, 20 renminbei, $5 Canadian and €10 Euro. I doubt he'd see the humor of being handed useless Monopoly monies.
AUI: "C'mon Big Man. I knows you gots a dolla fo me."
Shit. This dude isn't leaving.
Let me review my possible responses...
1. Continued stoic silence and ignore AUI.
a) "I'm dreadfully sorry sir, but sadly, I do not have any any coin of the realm in denominations that would be appropriate for your need. Carry on, my good man."
b) "Piss off."
c) "Fuck off, asswipe."
d) "No. Hit the road."
Let's go with d) since it seems he's not leaving until I respond in some manner, and there're lots of folk in hearing distance.
Besides, trying to stay vigilant as I scan my items is making me do both badly.
YT: "Got nothing for you. Hit the road."
AUI: (incredulously) "Wha?! Wat choo say?"
YT: (Annunciating carefully while still scanning my stuff) "No. Hit. The. Road."
AUI: (mostly to himself but still loud enough) "Hit de road? Motherfucka! I go somepin' in mah pocket fo you. Hit de goddam road." Starts to turn away, back to the main cashier line.
To paraphrase Calvin Candie: "You had my curiousity. Now you have my attention."
Something in your pocket? Really?
I stood fully up, partially turned toward him, fix him with my Withering Gaze(tm) and loudly respond:
"Excuse me? Something in your pocket for me? ARE YOU THREATENING ME?!"
We now have the attention of everyone in line, the cashier, and more important, the cop and security guard I hadn't seen near the door.
AUI is quickly escorted outside, sans 'drank' and is in serious discussion with 2 uniformed LEOs as I depart CVS a couple minutes later.
This entire episode was A Stupid Move.
I should have shut up and ignored him.
Nothing good was going to happen, and it was blind luck that the rentacop and the real cop were on hand.
AUI could have been a real bad ass and decided he needed to make a statement after being disrespected, and even though I am a big guy, all I had to back up my attitude was a hand with some skin on it.
At home things might have been different but given company policies and my desire to stay employed, I don't concealed carry when traveling on the job.
If AUI actually had a piece and was so inclined, he might have waited around the corner for me...
I really need to curb my propensity for opening my trap at the wrong time.
It's going to bad for me one of these days.