Who had 'Flight Delay' in the pool?

I'm pretty much done with United...

Flight won't make ORD in time for my connection to SFO.
I'll spend the night sleeping in the mud, blood and beer in the food court in the C Concourse then catch the 7am flight to SFO.
I'll arrive at SFO right when my meeting is supposed to be starting in Oakland.

I think this is the last nail in United's coffin for me.