Tuesday, November 29, 2011

They Are Ruining Christmas...

Ah, the ubiquitous "they"... 
Who, you may ask, are "they"...

Radio station programming directors, big box merchandisers, all those folks that want to hasten us into the gift-buying mentality/behavior.

The ones that are particularly galling right at this moment are the radio stations and Muzak-analogs that run in-store and in-restaurant background music systems...

It starts just after Halloween... an occasional Holiday Hit stuck in amongst the regular airplay. Now it's all Christmas, all the time- from Thanksgiving morning to New Years Day...
And it's starting to piss me off.
(Untrue- I've been pissed off about this for a long time.)

Back when I actually had a say in the matters I tried to issue a moratorium on music & decorations at the Estrogen Palace...to no avail.
The Woman Who Knows Most Things and the Perfect Child used to love digging out all the foofaraws and paraphernalia for The Season on the Saturday after Thanksgiving...
I would try to get them to delay to at least the 9th or 10th...(arbitrarily picked date, anything to delay the inevitable)
I figure two weeks of festivity was plenty for anyone.
Not that I'm a Grinch or anything, but a month or more of anything is too much.

Two weeks keeps it all fresh through the end of The Season- otherwise, hearing the 200th rendition of "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" makes me want to grab the .270 and look for a rooftop or a clock tower.

I've been on the road since Thanksgiving day, and will be for for the next 2 weeks-
and it seems like every hotel lobby, restaurant and airport I've been in has been blaring Jingle Bell Rock and I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus cranked to 11.
I'm already tired of it.

Fortunately for me my Rental Car du Jour has an iPod interface, so I can listen to Warren Zevon, Tom Waits, Jimmy Buffett and Leon Redbone ad infinitum... This way, when I feel the need for Seasonal Festivity, I can flip over to MY Christmas playlist and listen to my favorite sounds of the season like Mannheim Steamroller or the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, or perhaps even a little Bob Rivers:

(I know... It's kind of a drag...)

Meanwhile, back to the problem at hand-
Overdosing the general public on Christmas music...
Uncle Jay's suggestion:
No Christmas music before or on Thanksgiving. None.
Stop screwing up the holidays by rushing things.
Play all you want on Black Friday.
(Maybe it will calm the Rabid Horde down a bit and cut down on the pepper-spray incidents.)
Then wait until December 1st; play one every hour or so...
Ease us into it.
In the 2nd and 3rd week, bump the carols-per-hour up gradually until the 20th-
Then go whole-hog...

Wait. What am I thinking?

Expecting sanity and restraint from the American Merchandising Machine?

That be like Congress enacting Election Reform...

It's a lost cause.



Luc said...

"Back when I actually had a say in the matters ..."

Didn't you mean: "Back when I had the **illusion** of having a say in the matters ..."

PISSED said...

Gotta agree with you wholeheartedly, it definately ruins Christmas. By the time the 24th and 25th get here I can't friggen WAIT for the 26th!

But then again I'm always PISSED ;)

Joanna said...

I put up my tree (all 2.5 feet of it) on Thanksgiving night, and decorated it (and the apartment) over the next two days. Partly because I have a thing for colored Christmas lights, and partly because I wanted plenty of lead time in case the cat knocked the darn thing over (or chewed through a cord) and I had to get a new one.

For musical palate cleansers, I recommend the Muppets album with John Denver, and the Porky Pig sound-alike version of "Blue Christmas".