Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Please, Sir...

5:01 AM - JAX TSA Security Checkpoint is packed.

At Mag and Bag:

XRay-Girl and TSA Guy look at the pic of my bag after it passes through the XRay machine.

TSA: "You gotta lotta electronics in your bag..."
TBG: (No answer...There wasn't a question proffered.)
TSA: "We're gonna re-scan yer bag."
TBG: (No answer... Again, no question.)
TSA: Rescan bag.
TSA: "We're gonna swab yer bag fer explosives and stuff..."
TBG: ...
(TSA Guy looks at me for a measured second or two, then looks around for a higher level bag-poker I guess, and gives the old raised eyebrow.)
TBG, TSA1 and TSA2 adjourn to the mass spectrometer/gas chromatograph.

TSA1 and TSA2 hold a short confab and begin rifling through my backpack-carry-on bag.

Everything is in smaller bags inside... All my headphones, adapters, power cords, USB cables, etc are in a pouch. A handful of flash drives and memory cards are in another small pouch.
There is a bag with my backup external hard disk too. Another has asprin, Ambien, wetnaps, contact lenses, and various OTC meds. Yet another has pens, Sharpies, a laser pointer and a couple Atwood tools.

They take out my EEE and swab it, feeding the swatch into the Magic Machine, the swab the inside of the all the bags, putting each swab into the mass-spec in turn.

TSA2: "You got quite a bit of stuff in there."
TBG: ...
TSA2: "Y'know, this might go a little faster if you'd cooperate."

Really? Look, I've got time. I know exactly what's in my bag, and I came prepared for delays... I just want to see how much additional foolishness is going to foisted upon us Poor Traveling Bastards.

I know this is going to light a fuse, but I'll do it anyway...

TBG: "Y'know, this might go a little faster if you actually asked a question."
TSA2 gives TSA1 a WTF look.
TSA2: "Acting odd?"
TSA1: Shrugs shoulders.
TSA2, looks at TSA1 as one would examine a bad cheese, then slides my half-unpacked bag over to me.
TSA2: "Have a good day sir..."
TBG: "You too sir."



1 comment:

TOTWTYTR said...

Nice to meet you last night. I'm going to add you to my blogroll. You're my kind of blogger. :)

I forgot to mention that my pet name for the TSA is "Too Stupid for Arby's".

Last year when I was getting ready to board the helpful TSA guy told me that my license was going to expire in a couple of week. Thanks, nitwit. Working for the RMV are you? My license expires on my birthday, every four days, just as it has since 1970 when I got my first one.

Since you fly way more than I do, maybe you can answer a question. My impression is that no the TSA does not use the same procedures or screening criteria at any two airports. Is that true? Are they really so disjointed?