Back on the Road - FLL

It's been pretty busy the last few days...

As I have mentioned to several people (pretty much anyone who'd listen) I couldn't wait to get back on the road so I could get some rest...

From the previous post, astute Constant Readers might have gathered that it was the PC's graduation weekend... I blew into town from Montreal on the wings of a storm, arriving at midnight the night before graduation to find a house full of people-
The Family was in town from all points of the compass, and it seemed like a good number of them were staying at The Estrogen Palace... We (The Woman Who Knows Most Things, Yours Truly, and The PC) relinquished our humble abode to the gathered masses and stayed elsewhere...

Graduation went off without a hitch, as did the celebration dinner that night, then we had a small shindig at the house for all the visitors & family on Friday...
This shindig degenerated to a large game of Brew-No (Uno card game with drinking rules) that finally broke up around 2AM.
We still had a full house on Saturday, and we put them to good use - serving up all the Shindig leftovers and pretty much cleaning out the refrigerators.

We finally ejected the last of the guests by 4:00 on Sunday- just in time for me to jump in my rental car and hie my not inconsiderable ass to Ft. Lauderdale, where  Operation Refit continues...


8:00 AM had me in the arena doing the stuff I'm supposed to be doing, and was finished by 4:00... I wanted to catch Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Final, so I had a couple hours to kill, so I went to the Cinema and caught Super 8.
Not too shabby a flick...

Typical Steven Spielberg - some kids get caught up in Bigger Events and save the day.
Enjoyable, but not groundbreaking.


The CoConspirators were in town last night too; I heard tales about a visit to an Adult Entertainment Establishment...

Yes, while I watched Vancouver get the snot kicked out of them (really Canucks? 1 to 4? C'mon.) the Boys were at Goldfinger's, where the story was CC1 was a undercover LEO and it was CC2's last night before heading off to an extended stay the Raiford Hilton.
Stellar entertainment - One of the hostesses kept falling asleep on CC1's shoulder. She was missing a front tooth (wow, classy) so when she started snoring she whistled...
Well, it could have been worse- I do remember one place where the girls had misspelled tattoos and infected facial piercings...
But I digress...

The fun continues-
The NHL is heading back to Vancouver for Game 7 on Wednesday night...

As DP might say, "This next game is gonna be huge."


I'm in La-Te-Da-derdale, then off to the next victim on Thursday PM.
The PC and TWWKMT are over in Tampa for orientation at USF...
School starts in less than two weeks.
Bless that child, she's jumping in with both feet.

Onward, through the fog...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

The Perfect Child

Today is Graduation Day

A wise man once said that Life was a journey, not a destination.

The Woman Who Knows Most Things:
"So we should be careful of confusing the journey with the destination?
Which is this... The Journey or the Destination?"

Yours Truly:
"Neither. Haven't you noticed? This is the confusion."

If you'll indulge me, let me show you some mileposts on the PC's journey...

(Click a picture to see full size)


She's off to Tampa and USF in the next few weeks...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

TheOnesDay® meme - Getting the hell outta Montreal edition.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Overheard in the Hotel

One of The Co-Conspiritors related this story from yesterday morning...

When CC1 came down to the lobby at 10:30am, a girl strode into the elevator he'd just vacated, moving with stride and purpose...
She was well dressed- high heels, long straight wet hair, sunglasses...

As CC1 was head toward the door, he heard her yell to the front desk clerk:

"Hey! What floor is room 302 on?"

CC1 just shook his head.

Interestingly, the CCs started to leave but one forgot some needed item and they returned to the hotel just a minute or two after departing...
302 Girl was coming out the front door. She jumped in a waiting taxi and took off.

Needless to say, 302 and her Quickie was the topic of much speculation that day...


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Rough Days

[Whine Mode=ON]

Bitch bitch bitch... It's all I ever do.
Blee recently told me I was becoming a Bitter Old Man.
(And as of yesterday, just another candle closer, and thanks to all y'all who sent birthday wishes.)

But, the bitching... I haz it.
In my defense, I have good reason... Let me shares it wif you.

Let's start on on the morning of June 3 and carry it through last night.

June 3 - Buffalo NY
12:30am Arrive back at the hotel after a looooong day in the arena.
-5 hours of restless sleep later-
6:30am - Get lazy ass out of the snug bed at the Hampton Inn.
- Pack - Shower - Shave - Etc
7:30am - Check out of Hotel - Head to HSBC Arena
8:00am - Work Work Work
-Whip cracking and threats of bodily harm to all and sundry regarding the 3:00pm airport departure schedule.
3:30pm - Drag co-conspirators, kicking and screaming, to BUF, to board our collective flights to our next victim location.
4:00p - 4:45p - Check in and clear TSA screening. Surprisingly smooth. The TSA groper used plenty of lube this time.
5:00p - Drink Drink Drink at bar near gate 23.
6:55p - Head to Gate, beg/cajole/plead for exit row or bulkhead. Good: Seat A1 Bad: Aircraft is a GauchoJet RJ140 - a/k/a the toothpaste tube with wings.
Even that seat is cramped and narrow in the RJ.
6:56p - 7:35p - Wishing hateful karma on Delta for using toy jets for flinging us through the sky.
Unfortunately, nothing happens.

7:45p - 8:45p - Flight - BUF-DTW

8:45p - Arrive Detroit - head to connecting gate.

-Howcome?-

I've been business traveling for 105 dog years, and I have formulated Uncle Jay's Theory of Geographical Aberration:
Where ever you are, the place you need go is as far as reasonably possible from your current location, or it is in a location that is undesirable for uncontrollable reasons.
(It doesn't really roll off the tongue like Murphy's "What can go wrong, will go wrong.", but let me spell out the situation and you see if you can give me a more lyrical or poetic-like version.)

So: Uncle Jay's Theory of Geographical Aberration
TBG is in Buffalo, needs to be in Ottawa at 8 the next morning.
Through a series of conditions (reasonable airfares, rental car availability, departure time/date, ad inifinitum) to get to Ottawa will require flights from Buffalo to Detroit to Montreal, then driving (2.5 hrs) to Ottawa upon arrival in Montreal.
Got that? (BUF - DET - MTL - OTT - MTL)
(Yes, I know I could drive BUF to OTT in less time. But one-way rentals from US to CAN are a no-go. Thanks for playing.)

A further example of Geographical Aberration was evidenced with the gates in DTW... I arrived at Gate C43, and my connecting flight was a B18.

That's a long &%$#@ing walk, children.

The Hotel version of this aberration was in evidence in all my recent stays...
In Minneapolis, St. Louis, and Buffalo, my room was as far away from the elevator as physically possible.
Here in Ottawa, it was the polar opposite- my room was right next to the elevator...
So I got to enjoy the attendant bump, grind and creak each time the elevator went by my floor.
Is there another room not quite so close to the elevator?
Yes. But it's a smoking room.
%$#@&!

Back to the whining story...

Where were we? Ah, Detroit Metro.
9:10p - Arrive at Gate B18...
Beg, plead & cajole for an bulkhead or Emergency Row.
No.
How's 'bout an aisle... Surely someone wants to look out at the darkness.
Nope.
Lovely. Seat 19A. On an MD88.

Flight is at 9:57pm...
We were boarded and ready by 9:45

9:57p - Still at gate.
10:05 - Still at gate.
10:15 - Guess where we are now.
10:20 - Pilot found his keys, we leave the gate.

11:55p - Arrive Montreal
12:00m - Start of June 4. Happy birthday to me.
12:11A - Arrive Canadian C&I
There are 3 agents working the arrivals, and probably 5 flights arrived at the same general time...

Screw the crowd control barriers.

12:48A - My turn.
C&I - "Hi. What's your business?"
TBG - "Testing newly installed equipment; Training local guys to use it."
C&I - "Ok. On your way."

Wow.

12:56a - Avis counter
Avis Agent: "Let's see... What can we give you? I've got a Santa Fe or a Dodge Charger? Or..."
He dangles 2 key fobs in front of me.
"I have a White Challenger or a Blue Challenger... Mmmmm. V-8, racing stripes, satellite radio, full ride. Only cost you $30 more per day."
I have to drive 200+ km tonight... Don't tempt me...

1:12am - Depart YUL in a dark blue Hyundai Santa Fe SUV.
3:25Am - Arrive at hotel Kanata
3:32Am - In room. Right next to the Elevator.
-sleep sleep sleep-
7:20Am - Alarm goes off.
7:40am - Meet one of my co-conspirators in lobby.
8:00AM - Arrive arena. They are not expecting us.
Phone calls are made, threats implied, bribes offered.

8:35AM - Building guy arrives, lets us in, unlocks work space.
(For a guy that was dragged in at 8:30 on a Saturday morning, he was surprisingly nice to us.)
8:45a - Begin Documentation & Deconstruction
10:54 - Additional compatriots arrive.
10:55a - Finish D&D. Hand off empty rack and hardware to Collaborators.
10:56a - Clean up, document review, hardware cleaning
7:40PM - Depart Arena
7:50pm - D'arcy McGees - Dinner & Game 2 of the Stanley Cup Final.

Astute Constant Readers will note that at this point I've had 3 hours sleep in more than 36 hours.
This, as has been said is A Bad Move.
Lack of Sleep + Rum + Pub Environment = Trouble

Ok... No rum.
Cider.

Strongbow cider a/k/a Johnny Jump Up.

I went in and I called for a bottle of stout
Says the barman, I'm sorry, all the beer is sold out
Try whiskey or paddy, ten years in the wood
Says I, I'll try cider, I've heard it was good.

Oh never, Oh never, Oh never again
If I live to be a hundred or a hundred and ten
I fell to the ground and I couldn't get up
After drinking a quart of the Johnny Jump Up

After a bit o' tasty grub and a couple pints of Strongbow, the Canucks and the Bruins were tied 2 each...
We departed the pub before I did Something Stupid® and headed back to the Hotel.
I was mostly asleep before the 3rd period started, but I did wake up for the beginning of the Overtime period...
Good job, Vancouver...

Hell of a way to spend a birthday...

[Whine Mode=OFF]

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Celebrations are Overrated

I'm just happy to make it through another circuit.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Get Me Outta Here

Josh Groban is taking over the HSBC Arena in Buffalo NY, where I have been holing up the past few day...
There goes the neighborhood. We're outta here- AMF!

By the time he takes the stage I will be have been groped by the TSA and had other violations executed upon my person... And will probably be sitting in the closest bar to my departure gate, drinking rum straight out of the bottle and fending off the beertender with a barstool and a whip fashioned out of UTP cable.
(Would that be a Cat5-o-nine tails?)

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Multitudes

Collective Nouns can be pretty fun...

A pack of hounds, a herd of elephants, et cetera are the norm.

Then there are the unique and thought-provoking:
a shrewdness of apes
a flange of baboons
a culture of bacteria
a sleuth of bears
a volery of birds
a wake of buzzards
a clowder of cats
a kindle of kittens,
a quiver of cobras
a float of crocodiles
a murder of crows
a wing of dragons
a convocation of eagles
a charm of finches
a skulk of foxes
an implausibility of gnus
a skein of goslings
a prickle of hedgehogs
a crash of hippopotami
a smack of jellyfish
a mob of kangaroos
a exaltation of larks
a lounge of lizards
a mischief of mice
a raft of otter
a parliament of owls
a muster of peacocks
a parcel of penguins
a sounder of (wild) pigs
a chine of polecats
a passel of possum
a plague of rats
a rhumba of rattlesnakes
an unkindness of ravens
an ambush of tigers
a generation of vipers
a warren of wombats
a descent of woodpeckers

Then there is the downright strange...
(from The Stokes-Whibley Natural Index Of Supernatural Collective Nouns)

A racket of banshees
A shroud of ghouls
a chimney of djinns
an opulence of succubi
a tizzy of fairies
a lawn of gnomes
a cavalry of Valkyries
a clamor of clones
a caper of mutants
a yard-sale of androids
a skynet of cyborgs
a fleet of probes
a swarm of nanites
a clubbing of chupracabra
a deviltry of gremlins
a lamentation of Morlocks
a sling of psychopaths
a choir of serial killers
a fulsome of hippogriffs
a flurry of yeti
a drudge of skeletons
a vexation of zombies

The reason this comes up was an email today from a frustrated co-worker...

Frustrated Co-Worker: "What's bigger than a cluster?"

She was, of course, speaking rhetorically. But that's never stopped me from taking the bit and running with it.

I had just the perfect response, in the form of a very context-sensitive proper noun, but having examined the bread to see which side the butter was on, and knowing the longevity of Interweb blog postings and how things find their way into Pearl Harbor files, I didn't reply immediately.
At least, not in written form.
A phone call did get made, and a chuckle was had by both parties on the call...

But this begs the question...

What is bigger than a cluster?
A horde? A legion?
And does that fit into the nomenclature?
Or do we depart from the standard format and start anew-

Trainwreck > Clusterfuck > Shitstorm > Catastrofuck?


Hope you found this instructive.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

TheOnesday Meme... STL Edition

This should have posted on 5/25
(Blogger's delayed posting feature is acting up and this didn't get posted last Onesday. Sorry for the delay.)

Greetings from Scottrade Center...

Once again, fulfilling my obligation to BorePatch's Meme,
(it just so easy and so fun...)

So... regarding our Narcissist-in-Chief,
How many hours do you think he spent in front of the mirror
to come up with his Perfect Smile?




TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

TheOnesDay® meme

A double header today...

First- Political cartoonage...


A quick one-liner you can use at the scuttlebutt:

Q. Why did Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Jimmy didn't want to be the worst President in history.

Then some demotivation:



(Borepatch & PISSED)
TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Tryin' to Reason With Hurricane Season

As a public service, TBG brings you some tips for the 2011 hurricane season which begins today.

Hurricane Season Lesson #1:
If a hurricane is coming, get the fuck out.

Hurricane Season Lesson #2:
Seriously, GTFO.

Here endeth the lesson.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE