Wednesday, April 13, 2016

A Few Thoughts From Last Week

1. I learned I can drive past Brunswick / Saint Simon's Island twice and my motorcycle doesn't automatically exit the highway and streak like a BBQ-seeking missile toward Demere Rd.

2. The pollen in the CSRA will (and did) destroy contact lenses.

Micrograph of CSRA pollen.

3. If your contact lenses start hurting, TAKE THEM OUT NOW.

4. Weathermen don't know shit about weather.

5. A copperhead snake can turn a 6' sprinkler salesman into a little girl.

6. There is no 6

7. After 7 days on a diet consisting strictly of of pimento cheese sandwiches, egg salad sandwiches, industrial-strength BBQ sandwiches, and  Krispy Kreme donuts, do not -under penalty of an embarrassing wardrobe malfunction- trust a fart.

8. No running. Ever.
Best actual quote ever:
"I don't care if you're being chased by a six-foot-nine naked guy with an erection and a butcher knife- NO RUNNING." - from a cop in the parking lot in 2011

9. "What 'cha doing there?" is the Number 1 frequently asked question this week.

10. "Collecting data for the use of the Tournament" is the #1 answer. Vague and Infuriating, to be sure. (It is a tradition unlike any other. Heh)

11. If you make something foolproof, only a fool will be able to use it.

12. 30% of the people eat 80% of the doughnuts

13. Plastic cups from Augusta actually count as currency in some social circles.

14. If you fuck up or fuck off badly enough, even a good Cuban cigar will not save you from the wrath of the Volunteer Coordinator. (He's an unstable cuss.)

15. If you arrive early enough, parking isn't a problem.

16. In Augusta GA, "Because I said so." is a perfectly acceptable answer when Questioning Authority. Further question said Authority can result in incarceration. Or worse.

17. Do not attempt to use your GPS to get anywhere in Augusta between 6 AM and 8 PM on thefirst week of April.

18. Friends will help you move. Real friends will help you move bodies. Exceptional friends will trudge up and down 11 fairway for hours and hours, and still come back the next day with a smile.

19. If you mix the pink shit and the brown shit with a little of the blue shit, it's almost drinkable.
(But save all 3 cups. See #13.)

20. Don't piss off Susan.



Luc said...

How many Masters have you done now?

Old NFO said...

Hey now, I resemble #11... sigh... And if you stay away from the Pimento cheese and the Egg salad, you don't have that problem... Just sayin...

The Big Guy said...

Luc: 17 of the last 19 years.

@ONFO- For free, take; For buy, waste time.

ASM826 said...

There is a 6. I check it frequently.

The Big Guy said...


Ha! Nice...