Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Message From One Year Ago.

I was looking for some old info from my trip to the NHL Premiere Games in Sweden last year and stumbled on the following message in my Outlook archive.

If you were ever worried about my sanity or my mental stability, this little missive ought to drive the last nail into the coffin.

The Code Monkey asked me to do a recap of the Beijing Olympics for the IDS Fall All-Employee meeting.
When I got the request I was in Stockholm, under the influence of blonde girls, sleep deprivation, herring and aquavit...
Here's my reply:
"No one told me anything about the All-Employee meeting-
What is the plan, who should I talk to?
Hell, I've written stories, poetry and blogs on that nightmare...
What else do you want from me, maybe a Broadway musical production?
Something like "16 days in Beijing: Medals in Memory of Mao"?
A big song and dance number with Steven Sondheim-style kick line?
Numbers to include "Steroid Blues", "Can't Pass the Baton or the Drug Test", "Where is My IP?", and the ever-popular "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park".

Or maybe a Greek chorus - kind of a dramatic reading...
Mickey Spillane meets Edna St. Vincent Millay -

"Dick Ebersol's Communist Plot"
Hero: "The BOCOG guys are driving me past my limits..."
Chorus "No Access! We cannot help you!"
Hero: "Virus protection, build dates out of spec. Where is the Image?!"
Chorus: "No stats, no connection! You shall not pass!"
Villain: "Bwhaha! All changes, no notice! Kill the feeds and the encoders!"
Chorus: "Anarchy! Anarchy! NBC - Nothing But Communism! Where is the broccoli?"
All: "Mai Wen Ti! Mai Wen Ti! There is no shuttle bus! March to the Media Village!"
Chorus: "Tramp...tramp...tramp"

Hero and Villain fight scene: Hero armed with Cat5 crimper, Villain drives a tank covered in lo mein noodles and brown sauce.

Hero prevails, Heroine appears.
Heroine: "Cowgirl cowgirl! You want massage?"
Chorus: "Tramp...tramp...tramp"
Hero: "Where is the broccoli?"
Curtain - End of act 3

Boy, I have no recollection of writing or sending that...


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