Travels with K-Flan Redux

What, exactly, did I do to deserve this?

There was an e-mail I recieved while still in Shanghai, which I had read while doing Other Stuff and promptly forgot about...

"Hey.
We're sending you and K-Flan to a fall protection training course in December.
Get it on your schedule."

So... On Monday last, I'm wandering through the office like a lost child and a claw-like hand grabs me and drags me to the IDS Travel Desk.

"Hey... Big Guy. You. Me. Cleveland. Monday week." K-Flan says, in his usual I'm-too-redneck-to-use-articles speech patterns.

"Huh?" I cleverly replied.

"You know. Fall protection. Pennyslvania."

"Uh... OK." I said. "Continental has a non-stop to Cleveland. I'll drive from there."
"Pittsburgh. Closer." he said.
"Pittsburgh is a two-hop on, heaven forbid, US Scare. Not gonna happen. Continental."
"Are you sure?" said Travel Girl...
"Make it so." I told her.

Here we are a week later, lake effect snow falling all around as I try to pilot the Chevy SUV into the arrivals area at CLE, and I'm searching for K-Flan, hoping he's not being detained by the airport police. He had come in on Southwest, similar price, but a three-hop... I guess he's a masochist (Look it up) or something.

Anyway... Here we are again. Yours truly and the Redneck. On the road again.
The first words out of his mouth as he got in the rental car...
"This $@#%&! weather is unfit for man or beast."
"Which is precisely why they sent us. Duh." I told him as I filed a flight plan out of CLE and headed west toward the Garden Spot of Western Pennsylvania, Frankiln.

2 and change hours later we pulled into Franklin...and let me tell you, I've been in some backwater burgs in my time, but Frankiln is a piece of work... It's barely a wide spot in the road out at the corner of No and Where...
We found a spot for some dinner before checking in to the hotel... a picturesque little joint called The After Hours... Restaurant/Bar/Poolroom where we had dinner and abuse for under 20 bucks...
There was a line in an old Charlie Daniels song about "an old drunk chick and some fella with green teeth"... Never thought I'd live to see it, but here we were...
Green Teeth and Drunk Chick were shooting pool... More like just moving the balls around with the sticks than "shooting", as a certain skill level is required, but let's just call it shooting and be done with it., shall we?
The old drunk broad was talking at K-Flan between "shots", and when he couldn't understand her slurred speech and started ignoring her, she got loud and belligerent...
Her old man tried to quiet her down... "Hey... those guys are either cops or bounty hunters... leave them alone. We don't need trouble."

Huh?

Well... We finished our dinner and things were getting pretty weird...
Drunk Chick sat at the the other end of the bar and every once in she'd look over at K-Flan and I and loudly yell something unintelligible....
"Rassth! Yarnohght! Shhhhhurght!" and then Green Teeth would come over and sush her again...

We finally bailed on the place in order to go check in at the hotel...
As we left Green Teeth sent us off with a blessing...
"Jesus loves you!" he said "Everone else thinks you're assholes." he finished.

You know things are bad when both bartenders, the cook and two other patrons of the bar all apologize to you for the bad behavior of others...
Very scary.

Seems like there is only one of a lot things here...Lots of use of the definitive participle "the"... The Traffic Light, The Bar, The Statue, The Taxi, The Prostitute..We headed to The Hotel... The Hotel has a lounge where Monday Night Football was on, so we got checked in and headed down for a nightcap and to watch a Carolina beat up on Philly for a bit...
We discussed Green Teeth, Drunk Chick and the rest of the local denizens we had encountered...

"Dude, based on the local flavor of this place, I'm thinking we've fallen into a twilight zone place... Backwater as any place Down South...maybe worse than most...I think were in Pennsyl-bama..."
These people make K-Flan look positively sophisticated....

Well...

The white stuff is falling still...
It's going to be a long week here in Pennsylbama...


"... I was almost to the door when the biggest one
Said, 'You tip your hat to this lady, son!'
And when I did, all that hair fell out from underneath."
Charlie Daniels - Uneasy Rider


Stay tuned, I'll keep you posted.

Famous, out.