Thursday, January 26, 2006

More Questions?

There is a certain faction of people out there that are trying to drive me nuts.
(Don't act innocent, you know who you are...)

Look, I'm not Alex Trebek, and I'm not buzzing my answer button...No more questions.

Haven't you people ever imagined a world with no hypothetical questions?


Here are the questions, supply your own smart-assed answers:

If a General is a higher ranking officer than a Major, then why is a major illness worse than a general illness?

When an atheist swears on a Bible before they testify in court do they have to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth since they don't believe in God?

If a pack of gum says that each piece is 10 calories, is that amount just chewing the gum, or also for swallowing it?

Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.

How come only your fingers and toes get wrinkly in the shower and nothing else does?

Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?

Are there pink lemons that make pink lemonade?

Why do we say "heads up" when we actually duck?

When a store has double doors why do they only let you use one of them?

If there was a crumb on the table and you cut it in half, would you have two crumbs or two halves of a crumb?

What was Captian Hook's name before he had a hook for a hand?

Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia, but when a child has imaginary friends it's cute?

Can you put a gay man in a straight jacket?

Do stairs go up or down?

Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?

If "Hooters" were to become a door-to-door delivery service would they have to change their name to "Knockers"?

When French people swear do they say "Pardon my English"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?

Why did Mary own a little lamb?

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

Is Jerry Garcia grateful to be dead?

How come popcorn isn't a vegetable?

Why do they put the names of football teams on baseball caps?

If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?

How come you pay an extra 25 cents to get something put on your hamburger but they don't take off the price if you get something taken off?

Do pyromaniacs wear blazers?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Since a running back runs forward, why is he called a running back?

Why do they call the small candy bars the "fun sizes"? Wouldn't be more fun to eat a big one?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going too ?

How come you can kill a deer and put it on your wall but it's illegal to keep one as a pet?

What do vegetarians feed their dogs?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

If a man has no fingers, can he press charges?

Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day?

Why isn't the word 'gullible' in the dictionary?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

Why is it when we ask for the check in a restaurant they bring us a bill?

Why do they call him a Skipper when he just stands there?

Why does "lake" come first (Lake Michigan) and "river" come second (Mississippi River)?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn’t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?

What is the parking situation like at the Special Olympics?

Why do they put Canadian bacon on Hawaiian Pizza?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

How come when you go in the front door of a church, you are at the back of the church, and if you go in the back door, you would end up in the front of the church?

Why is Bra singular and Panties plural?

If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?

What does the T in T-Shirt really mean?

How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Do dumped farmers get John Deere letters?

Why do they call them "Animal Crackers" when there not even crackers...they're cookies?

How do you throw away a garbage can?

Why in baseball is it called the World Series if it is only played in the U.S.A & Canada?

Why are things typed up but written down?

Why is it called a TV set when there is only one?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why do they call it an escalator if it takes you down?

Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?

If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?

Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

What do people in China call their good plates?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Can good looking Eskimo girls be called hot?

Do sore thumbs really stick out?

Why does Bugs bunny walk around the cartoon naked, but puts a bathing suit on when he goes swimming?

Can you make cheese out of human breast milk?

Why is it called butterfingers when there is no butter or fingers in it?

If Pringles are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?

Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?

Have you ever wondered why Trix are only for kids?

Why is a person that handles your money called a BROKER?

Why do they have handicap parking spaces in front of they skating rings?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?

If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?

Why do they call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere but call it a hemorrhoid when its in your ass?

Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?

Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

What is the speed of dark?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why aren't there bulletproof pants?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?

Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?


OK.... Are you happy now?

TBG Out.


Anonymous said...

Long time listener, first time caller. I got one for ya - where's the webcam, man?

Anonymous said...

Long time no see Jay!

U going back to the Dry Tortugas this summer?

I may have to visit SOAR if you are.