I'll Take a Scoop of Vanilla Instead, Please.

In honor of the 44th President of the United States, Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream has introduced a new flavor: "Barocky Road."

Barocky Road is a blend of half vanilla, half chocolate, and surrounded by nuts and flakes. The vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient. The nuts and flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow.

The cost is $100.00 per scoop.

When purchased it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but then the ice cream is taken away and given to the person in line behind you.

You are left with an empty wallet and no change, holding an empty cone with no hope of getting any ice cream.

(Stolen from Tina at one of my favorite sites, Pirates! Man Your Women!)

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Lesson 1 - The Cat

My man Mark Twain once wrote:
"A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was gitting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn't ever going to grow dim or doubtful." From 'Tom Sawyer Abroad'



So... Did this man learn a memorable lesson?
(Be sure to watch until the end...)

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

I've Finally Found It....

I think I have found THE site that
embodies everything I look for as I surf
teh IntarWebz...




Explosions and Boobs.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

TWHS

She: "How big is the boat?"

He: "I don't know, 17 feet? Big enough."

She: "That's what he said."



Wow.



TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Getting Ready for Vancouver 2010

I'm glad someone is taking preparations
for the 2010 Olympics seriously...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Letters from the Road - 6

To the clueless mouth-breather camped out in the left lane:

Hey, if cars are continuously passing you on the right, you are going too slow for that lane.
Do us all a favor- right blinker, wait for an opportunity, then drift right. Blinker off.

Is that so hard?

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

That's My Philosophy

From savagechickens.com

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Proxy TWSS from Paris

Via SpongeMark SquareHands



SMSH: Asking Bob (The Apostle) how his dinner was....

"Man, that was a lot of meat!"



Yeah- that is *exactly* what she said!



TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Arthur Ashe

US Open Grounds

Flusing Meadows Queens NY

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Note from Building 7

Ah. I have found where they are storing all the dead leaves this year...

Right under the rack where I'm installing the test equipment, of course.

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Letters from the Road - 5

To you *@#$ing rubber-necked Yankees:

Look! Another fellow Yankee getting a ticket.

Keep moving.
People get tickets all the time. If you've seen one, you've seen 'em all-
No need to slow down, point and/or gawk.
Keep your eyes on the traffic in front of you, maintain a safe speed and act normal.

Weeping Jeebus, Yankees!

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Virginia Tax Dollars at Work

So, every other state in the Union can get by with mile markers at (go figure) one mile intervals...
Why do you think Virginia needs markers spaced 2/10ths of a mile apart? Are Virginians geographically challenged and need a farking 'you are here' sign at all times?
(Really, 5 of these jewels every mile in VA?)

Could it be that some relative of a VDOT official has a road sign making/installing company?
Or is it because they needed a better boondoggle than Georgia's monopoly on orange traffic cones/barriers/barrels...

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Poor Bastards

The only thing worse than driving in the rain is driving a motorcycle in the rain.

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Waffle House TWSS

Waffle House waitress:
"There's supposed to be a sausage on my waffle!"

Yours Truly: "That's what she said."
(Quietly, as to avoid 'scrambled eggs a la waitress spit'.)

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Letters to People Unlikely to Respond.

To the girl on JTButler Blvd on Friday morning,



Honey-

Put the %$@*ing make-up on at home, before you leave for work.

Seriously...
You just aren't good at multitasking.

You're applying eyeliner while driving your BMW SUV at 50 miles per... The speed limit is 60 and people are usually going 65 or 70...
Someone is going to rear-end you (and not in the good way IYKWIM wink-wink) and that eyeliner applicator is going to be a permanent part of your left eye.
(This will probably necessitate a completely different kind of makeup, and perhaps you will refrain from putting it on while you are heading to work...)

And I don't know if you were singing, talking to someone hands-free, or just in a heated conversation with the voices in your head, but knock it off- it looked like you were going into a full-goose-bozo hissyfit as I was passing you... It was frightening.
Don't do that, it scares the rest of us that are trying to get to work in one piece, unscathed by psychotic eye-makeup-applying American Idol Wannabes.

Oh, and lose the PeTA sticker in the back window, it clashes with your leather seats.

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Letters from the Road - 4

To the Dumbasses on I-95 outside Smithfield NC:

Hey you Idjits,
If the cop is doing 65mph in a 70mph zone...
PASS HIM!
Really...
It's okay.

TBG - Not in a hurry...

Letters from the Road - 3

To Pedro at South of the Border:

I don't care how many billboards with creative spelling and pseudo-Latino witticisims you have, I'm not stopping.

TBG- Making a run past the Border

Letters from the Road - 2

Dear Georgia Department of Transportation:

Hey-
Are y'all *ever* gonna finish working on I-95?

Signed,

Just wondering.

Letters from the Road - 1

To the 90-year old lady in the Lexus on 9A doing 41mph:

Honey-
You want to give that pedal on your right a little more pressure... Ease that bad boy up into second gear.
Sincerely,
The traffic jam behind you.

Jim-ism

While at Hooters for Double Punch Tuesday:
Jingles: "Wow. I've never seen her with clothes on before."

Bonus quote-
Hooters Girl:
"You guys are complicated, but easy."

You have no idea, Sugar...

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

White House Correspondents Dinner - Redux

Doug Jones has a MUCH better routine than the one that Wanda Sykes did...

Here's his column...

I especially loved:
"If you're wondering why the president is in a good mood, it's because he's glad to be finished with his annual physical. During his colonoscopy doctors removed two benign polyps and the White House Press Corps."

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Monty Python - Self Defense

"When you are walking home tonight, and some homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don't come crying to me!"



TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

My Hovercraft is Full of Eels.

"Drop your panties, Sir William, I cannot wait until lunchtime!"

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

PJ O'Rourke Hits the Nail in the Head

The Ditch Carp of Democracy

Several excellent quotes in here...

The US Government is going to take over the American car industry. I can predict the result - a light-weight, compact vehicle with a small carbon footprint using sustainable alternative energy. When I was a kid we called it a bike.
....
I have many charming leftist friends. They're lovely people - as long as they keep their nose out of things they don't understand.
Such as making a living.
....
...First, he appoints a Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, who thinks "foreign affairs" means her husband is overseas.
....
So far, the best Obama has been able to do by way of an Iraq policy is to make what I think of as the "high school sex promise" : "I'll pull out in time, honest, Honey."
....

Go. Read. Enjoy.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

This Call May Be Monitored or Recorded

Telemarketing sucks...
I've done it, and hated it.

I've gotten the calls and I hate them...

But this one... Wow.





TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Dry Tortugas - May 2009

Just a few pics from the most recent trip to Garden Key...


The south swim beach from inside the Fort...


Camp IDS.
Caution: High alcohol concentration. No open flame.


Waiting on Sunset...


Enjoying the show...


Slowly sinking into the west... Loggerhead on the left.


The end of another day in the Tortugas...


Salty - Queen of the Yankee Freedom II


That Unruly IDS Mob... (Plus some guest attendees.)

There are tales to tell... Stay tuned.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Things you don't want to hear...

... When you're 70 miles from land:

First Mate: "Captain, I've got good news and bad news."
Captain Rick: "Give me the bad."
1st: "There's a huge hole in the port hull."
Capt: "What's the good news, then?"
1st: "All that water pouring in has put out the fire in the engine room."

Lovely.

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

Herding Cats

I'm coming to the realization that taking IDS event staffers on an alcohol-fueled camping trip is like giving a ferret a shave. No matter how careful you are, someone is going to get hurt.

It can only end in tears..

TBG - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ