Talk Like a Pirate Day 2008

September 19th is Talk Like a Pirate Day.

That's right...
Time to let loose your Inner Buccaneer and lay down some Arrrrr and Yo-ho's!

Last year here at Listen to Uncle Jay I gave you some pointers and jargon to work with. You'll find that stuff here... and of course I have an updated list for your to study and peruse.
It'll be along a little further down the message...

Before we go any further, there's something we need to be clear about. Pirates were and are bad people. Really reprehensible. Even the most casual exploration of the history of pirates leaves you hip deep in blood and barbarity.

I'm not for one minute suggesting that real, honest-to-God pirates were in any way, shape or form worth emulating.

So what is it exactly that we're celebrating here, if not pirates? What, you're wondering, is the point?

I'm going to be painfully honest here, perhaps fatally so.

The point is, there is no point.

And that's what's fun about Talk Like a Pirate Day specifically, and talking like a pirate in general.

We're talking about the mere image of swaggering pirateness. And while this is a guys' guide, the comely wench will have fun talking like a pirate, too.

So... give me a good "arrr" and throw a "Weigh anchor or I'll give you a taste of the cap'n's daughter!" on the next idiot who staggers into your office.

It's fun...

Okay then, onward!

Vocabulary and Notes, Updated for 2008:

Addled -- Mad, insane, or just stupid. An "addlepate" is a fool.

Aft -- Short for "after." Toward the rear of the ship.

Ahoy -- "Hello!"

Arrr! -- This one is often confused with arrrgh, which is of course the sound you make when you sit on a belaying pin. "Arrr!" can mean, variously, "yes," "I agree," "I'm happy," "I'm enjoying this beer," "My team is going to win it all," "I saw that television show, it sucked!" and "That was a clever remark you or I just made."

Avast! -- "Hey!" Could be used as "Stop that!" or "Who goes there?"

Aye! -- "Why yes, I agree most heartily with everything you just said or did."

Aye aye! -- "I'll get right on that sir, as soon as my break is over."

Batten down the hatches. -- put everything away on the ship and tie everything down because a storm is brewing

Beauty – The best possible pirate address for a woman. Always preceded by “me,” as in, “C’mere, me beauty,” or even, “me buxom beauty,” to one particularly well endowed. You’ll be surprised how effective this is.

Begad! -- By God!

Belay -- Stop that. "Belay that talk!" would mean "Shut up!"

Belaying pin -- A short wooden rod to which a ship's rigging is secured. A common improvised weapon aboard a sailing ship, because they're everywhere, they're easily picked up, and they are the right size and weight to be used as clubs.

Bilge! -- Nonsense, or foolish talk. The bilges of a ship are the lowest parts, inside the hull along the keel. They are filled with stinking bilgewater and attorneys-- or just "bilge."

Bilge rat -- The bilge is the lowest level of the ship. It’s loaded with ballast and slimy, reeking water. A bilge rat, then, is a rat that lives in the worst place on the ship. Since bilge rat is a pretty dirty thing to call someone, by all means use it on your friends.

Bilge-sucking -- A very uncomplimentary adjective.

Bilge Water -- Water which collects in the bilge or bottom of a ship or other vessel. It is often allowed to remain till it becomes very offensive.

Black Spot -- To "place the Black Spot" on another pirate is to sentence him to death, to warn him he is marked for death, or sometimes just to accuse him of a serious crime before other pirates.

Blaggard -- "Blackguard." An insult.

Blimey! -- An exclamation of surprise.

Blow me down! -- expression of shock of disbelief akin to "Holy Crap!"

Booty -- Loot.

Bosun -- Boatswain; a petty officer.

Bowsprit -- The slanted spar at a ship's prow.

Brethren of the Coast -- The Caribbean buccaneers called themselves by this name in the 1640-1680 period. During this time, they actually formed a sort of fraternity, and did not (usually) fight each other or even steal from each other. After 1680, a new generation of pirates appeared, who did not trust each other . . . with good reason.

Briny deep -- The ocean. Probably no pirate in all history ever used this phrase, but don't let that stop you, especially if you can roll the R in "briny"!

Buccaneer -- A general term for the Caribbean pirates.

Bucko -- Familiar term. "Me bucko" = "my friend."

Cap'n -- Short for "captain."

Captain's Daughter -- Cat o' Nine Tails; A disciplinary/torture device consisting of multiple strands of leather or rope attached to a handle, used to whip someone. Often employed in naval settings.

Cat o'nine tails, or just "cat" -- a whip with many lashes, used for flogging. "A taste of the cat" might refer to a full flogging, or just a single blow to "smarten up" a recalcitrant hand.

Chantey -- A sailor's work song. Also spelled "shantey" or "shanty."

Chase -- The ship being pursued. "The chase is making full sail, sir" = "The ship we're after is going as fast as she can."

Chest -- Traditional treasure container.

Corsair -- A more romantic term for pirate. But still a pirate.

Crow's nest -- A small platform, sometimes enclosed, near the top of a mast, where a lookout could have a better view when watching for sails or for land.

Cutlass -- A curved sword, like a saber but heavier. Traditional pirate weapon. Has only one cutting edge; may or may not have a useful point.

There once was a pirate named Bates
Who loved to do the rumba on skates.
He fell on his cutlass
and now he's quite nutless
and also quite useless on dates."

Davy Jones' locker -- The bottom of the sea.

Deadlights -- Eyes. "Use yer deadlights, matey!"

Dead men tell no tales -- Standard pirate excuse for leaving no survivors.

Dog -- A mild insult, perhaps even a friendly one.

Doubloon -- A Spanish gold coin. At different times, it was worth either 4 or 16 silver pesos, or "pieces of eight."

Fair winds! -- Goodbye, good luck!.

Feed the fish -- What you do when you are thrown into the sea, dead or alive.

Fore -- Short for "forward". Toward the front end of the ship.

Flogging -- Punishment by caning, or by whipping with the cat.

Gangway! -- "Get out of my way!" - Used to clear a passage through a crowded area.

Godspeed! -- Goodbye, good luck!

Grog -- Generically, any alcoholic drink. Specifically, rum diluted with water to make it go farther.

Grub -- Food.

Gun -- A cannon.

Hands -- The crew of a ship; sailors.

Handsomely -- Quickly. "Handsomely now, men!" = "Hurry up!"

Hang the jib -- To look ill-tempered or annoyed. To pout.

Head -- The toilet facilities aboard a modern ship. This will do for modern piratical talk. The toilet facilities aboard an ACTUAL pirate ship do not bear thinking about.

Hornpipe -– Both a single-reeded musical instrument sailors often had aboard ship, and a spirited dance that sailors do. On TLAP Day – We are not big fans of the capering, it’s not our favorite art form, if you will, so we don’t have a lot to say on the subject, other than to observe that the common term for being filled with lust is “horny,” and hornpipe then has some comical possibilities. “Is that a hornpipe in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? Or both?”

Hornswaggle -- To cheat.

Jack -- A flag or a sailor; showing how sailors would refer to their ship's colors as one of the crew

Jack Ketch -- The hangman. To dance with Jack Ketch is to hang.

Jack Tar, or tar -- A sailor.

Jollyboat -- A small but happy craft, perhaps even one which is a little dinghy.

Jolly Roger -- The pirates' skull-and-crossbones flag. It was an invitation to surrender, with the implication that those who surrendered would be treated well. A red flag indicated "no quarter."

Keelhaul -- Punishment by dragging under the ship, from one side to the other. The victim of a keelhauling would be half-drowned, or worse, and lacerated by the barnacles that grew beneath the ship.

Kiss the gunner's daughter -- A punishment: to be bent over one of the ship's guns and flogged.

Lad, lass, lassie -- A way to address someone younger than you.

Landlubber or just lubber -- A non-sailor.

Letters of Marque -- Papers issued by a national government during wartime, entitling a privately owned ship to raid enemy commerce, or even attack enemy warships. Early letters of reprisal were issued to merchants to make it legal for them to counter-raid pirates! A ship bearing such letters, and operating within their limits, is a privateer rather than a pirate . . . that is, a legal combatant rather than a criminal and murderer. The problem is that letters of marque aren't always honored, even by the government that issued them. Captain Kidd had letters of marque; his own country hanged him anyway.

Lights -- Lungs. A pirate might threaten to "have someone's lights and liver."

Line -- A rope in use as part of the ship's rigging, or as a towing line. When a rope is just coiled up on deck, not yet being used for anything, it's all right to call it a rope.

Lookout -- Someone posted to keep watch on the horizon for other ships or signs of land.

Maroon -- A fairly common punishment for violation of a pirate ship's articles, or offending her crew. The victim was left on a deserted coast (or, of course, an island) with little in the way of supplies. That way, no one could say that the unlucky pirate had actually been killed by his former brethren.

Me -- A piratical way to say "my."

Me hearties -- Typical way for a pirate leader to address his crew.

Matey -- A piratical way to address someone in a cheerful, if not necessarily friendly, fashion.

No quarter! -- Surrender will not be accepted.

On the Account -- The piratical life. A man who went "on the account" was turning pirate.

Piece of eight -- A Spanish silver coin worth one peso or 8 reales. It was sometimes literally cut into eight pieces, each worth one real.

Pillage -- To raid, rob, and sack a target ashore.

Pirate -- A seagoing robber and murderer. Contrast with privateer.

Poop deck -- The highest deck at the aft end of a large ship. Smaller ships don't have a poop; the highest part aft is the quarterdeck.

Port -- (1) A seaport. (2) The left side of the ship when you are facing toward her prow.

Poxy, poxed -- Diseased. Used as an insult.

Privateer -- A ship bearing letters of marque (q.v.), or one of her crew, or her captain. Thus, she can only attack an enemy ship, and only in time of war, but does so as a representative of her country. A privateer is theoretically a law-abiding combatant, and entitled to be treated as an honorable prisoner if captured.

Prow -- The "nose" of the ship.

Reef -- (1) An underwater obstruction of rock or coral which can tear the bottom out of a ship. (2) To reef sails is to shorten them, tying them partially up, either to slow the ship or to keep a strong wind from putting too much strain on the masts.

Rigging -- The arrangement of masts, spars, and sails on a sailing vessel.

Rope's end -- another term for flogging. "Ye'll meet the rope's end for that, me bucko!"

Rum (noun) -- Traditional pirate drink.

Rum (adjective) -- Strange or odd. A "rum fellow" is a peculiar person, the sort who won't say "Arrrr!" on Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Sail ho! -- "I see a ship!" The sail, of course, is the first part of a ship visible over the horizon.

Salt, old salt -- An experienced seaman.

Scallywag -- A deceitful and unreliable scoundrel.

Scuppers -- Openings along the edges of a ship's deck that allow water on deck to drain back to the sea rather than collecting in the bilges. "Scupper that!" is an expression of anger or derision: "Throw that overboard!"

Scuttle --To cut or open a hole or holes in a ship's hull or to sink a ship by this means.

Scurvy -- (1) A deficiency disease which often afflicted sailors; it was caused by lack of vitamin C. (2) A derogatory adjective suitable for use in a loud voice, as in "Ye scurvy dogs!"

Sea dog -- An experienced seaman.

Shanty -- Another spelling for "chantey" - a sea song.

Shark bait -- (1) Your foes, who are about to feed the fish (q.v.). (2) A worthless or lazy sailor; a lubber who is no use aboard ship.

Shipshape -- Well-organized, under control, finished.

Shiver me timbers! -- An expression of surprise or strong emotion.

Sink me! -- An expression of surprise.

Six Pounders -- Cannons.

Smartly -- Quickly. "Smartly there, men!" = "Hurry up!"

Splice the mainbrace -- To have a drink. Or, perhaps, several drinks.

Spyglass -- A telescope.

Starboard -- The right side of the ship when you are facing toward her prow.

Sutler -- A merchant in port, selling the various things that a ship needed for supplies and repairs.

Swab (noun) -- A disrespectful term for a seaman. "Man that gun, ye cowardly swabs!"

Swab (verb) -- To clean something. Being put to "swabbing the decks" would be a low-level punishment for a disobedient pirate.

Swag -- Loot.

Walk the plank -- A piratical execution. The victim, usually blindfolded or with bound hands or both, is forced to walk along a plank laid over the ship's side, to fall into the water below. Except this seems to be a total invention; it first appeared in 19th-century fiction, long after the great days of piracy.

Weigh anchor -- To haul the anchor up; more generally, to leave port.

Wench -- An individual of the female persuasion. "Saucy" is a good adjective to add to this, and if ye can get away with "Me proud beauty!," more power to ye.

Ye -- You, as in "Ye be walking the plank!"

Yo-ho-ho -- A very piratical thing to say, whether it actually means anything or not.