Horror scope - Wed Oct 17

Someone else's horoscope:

Aries ~ The Ram

Well Aries - the Moon is in the Seventh House and Jupiter aligns with Mars in no uncertain terms this coming week.
You know your office mate that stole the pencil sharpener last Thursday? The one with the cheeky smile? Well consider yourself in like Flynn!
Yep, before the week is out you two are going to be under the covers and going at it like rabbits. To cap off the week, when you eventually turn on your phone after three days of hot sex, you will discover that you have inherited nearly a hundred million dollars from a fond uncle.
You will also receive an erroneously calculated gas bill and find termites in the east corner of your house. Your lucky number is 17 - why not buy a lottery ticket - you’ve siphoned all the luck out of some other poor bastard’s universe, may as well go for broke!


My Horror Scope:

Gemini ~ The Twins

On Monday you will be crushed to death by an unsecured piano falling out the back of a furniture truck.
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Monday... Let's see...
I'll be in Hong Kong.
Completely reasonable that this will happen.

Great.

TBG, putting my affairs in order.