Me and my big mouth.

From our "Open-Mouth-Insert-Foot" Department:

I was at the gate in Houston waiting on my flight to San Jose this morning... I had my four-leaf clover out, my rabbit's foot, a horseshoe, and my lucky poker chip all working overtime, trying to get an upgrade for the flight... It's 4+ hours from Houston to SJC...

Let me give you a little tip- If you have decent frequent flier status, do you want to improve your chances at getting an upgrade?
Of course you do... You can rely on your good looks and luck, but remember Johnny Carson's line:
You will get further with a kind word and a gun than you will with just a kind word."
In the case of gate attendants, substitute the word "chocolate" instead of "gun"...
A package of M&Ms, a Milky Way Bar, damn near anything made of chocolate will win you big points.
Listen to Uncle Jay, he wouldn't kid you...


As boarding time approached I was working the gris-gris overtime...then the gate attendant finally released the unclaimed seats...
(The same gate attendant who recieved a dark chocolate Milky Way bar 15 minutes earlier. Heh.)
"Mr. Williams and Mr. Young. Please come to the desk."
Oh yeah, baby... Upgrade time!

Gate Attendant:"Mr. Young? Did you get an upgrade earlier?"
Yours Truly, handing her my ticket "No... Not yet."
GA: "Would you like one?" She said, holding out the new flight cupon.
(And this is where I really stepped in it.)
You know my penchant for a good riposte... I always have a cute saying or phrase. In this case, when asked a question where the answer is obvious, Average Joe will come back with the proverbial "Does a bear crap in the woods?" or the truly witty will inquire if the Pope is Catholic.
I like to throw a little alliteration into the mix...
YT:"Does a cripple crab crawl?"

It rolled off my tongue with practiced ease...

Then I noticed the woman next to the ticket podium...

In her wheelchair.

Glaring daggers at me.

Oh shit.

The gate attendant gave me the ticket with a sad shake of her head.

We shall draw a curtain of charity on the rest of the scene...

Clueless, out-