FAQ - Tortugas Edition

Frequently Asked Questions - Tortugas Edition.

Q: Hot enough for ya?
A: Nope. I want it so hot that all the visitors melt as they step off the boat.

Q: Is that Cuba? (Pointing to Loggerhead Key)
A: Yep. That lighthouse is the harbor light for Havana.

Q: How far are we from Havana, Cuba?
A: 24,770 miles. (I prefer going via the polar route.)

Q: Are the Cuban Refugees that get here allowed to stay?
A: Yep. We issue each of them a tent and they are all now living in the campground.

Q: Are these migratory islands?
A: Yes. They spend the winter in South America, returning here each spring..

Q: Where is the best place to snorkle?
A: Well... You can start by getting the the water.

Q: Where is the water?
A: Pick a direction and start walking.

Q: Can I snorkle without getting in the water?
A: Sure. Go see the folks at Capt. Ricks Rent-a-Sub out by the dock... They'll set you right up. It's right next to the Starbucks.

Q: Has anyone ever fallen off the top of the fort?
A: Sure. Want to be next?

Q: Why are there fish in the moat?
A: They got tired of living in the campground with the Cuban Refugees.

Q: If you guys have DirecTV, how come my cell phone won't work out here?
A: You need a better phone.

Q: What did they do with the dead bodies? (Soldiers/prisoners who died from yellow fever)
A: Catapults. We used the catapults.

Q: How do y'all get out here every morning?
A: We take the tunnel from Key Wast.

Q: Do you live out here?
A: Just barely.

Q: What do you eat?
A: We exist on solely on SANDwiches...

Q: Are there Rangers here?
A: Yes- 4 Park Rangers, 2 Power Rangers, 3 Rescue Rangers, and one Texas Ranger.

Q: Are there any animals here?
A: Only the ones who come out on Sunny Days or the Yankee Freedom.

Q: Where are all the pretty fish?
A: Oops. I forgot to turn on the Pretty Fish machine...

Q: Are there turtles here?
A: No. But we have some nice pralines and truffles.

Q: Do the turtles eat marshmallows?
A: Yes, but, there is a similar issue to the problem of birds eating rice from weddings...
Just imagine the same kind of thing with turtle shell shrapnel flying everywhere when one goes off...

Q: Where do you keep the pelicans at night?
A: They are sent back to Key West on the Yankee Freedom and Sunny Days every afternoon.

Q: What do the sooty terns sound like at night?
A: Well, one night last June I sat out on the dock and listened to them over on Bush Key...
The noise was similar to a moving van full of waffles running over a herd of donkeys.

Q: Will my iPod work out here?
A: Yes, but it will only play Jimmy Buffet tunes and Calypso music.

TBG out-