Listen to Uncle Jay...

Purchased For Shock Value

2012-01-28T22:11:00.000-05:00

I was checking out at WalMart the other day and made a last second change-up to my purchases because I was over-analyzing my items and worried that the cashier would be judging me...
Because I care what a 19-year-old thinks about me buying dish soap, drill bits and aspirin.

On the ride home I was noodling more horrific purchase combinations...
You know, stuff that would have the cashier calling the cops once the shock wore off.

There is always popular urban legend:

Condoms, KY jelly, and 1 whole pineapple.
But how about...
100 rounds of .223, 20 cans of cat food, and trash bags.

Bleach/floor cleaner, kitchen knife, cardboard boxes.

Hand lotion, tissues, Hannah Montana DVD.

Ex-lax, disposable camera, 4-pack of D-Cell batteries...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Major Disappointment

2012-01-27T20:05:00.001-05:00

So... I got the keys to my new Porsche... (see previous post).

Such a disappointment.
Mine was red as the nail polish on a $5 hooker.
Red just isn't my color.

I was hoping for the 2012 model in Dead Black...

:-/

TBG

Rumor Control

2012-01-27T08:43:00.001-05:00

Got an email the other day from The Big Bossman...

To paraphrase:
Just getting back to town after some long travels and I've got a big announcement.
Friday at 12:30 we're throwing a shindig and I'll make the announcement.

So there is a BBQ at the office today...
And 'something big' I guess.

And for some reason quite a few people (based on the emails and text messages I've received) think I have some inside track.

Sorry, y'all. Just because I have pictures of Jingles in some "compromising situations" and there are rumors that I have installed surveillance devices in strategic locations...this hardly means that I am privy to The Big Announcement.

What I find interesting, however, is some of the ideas people have shared with me regarding The Announcement

Some of the interesting ideas:

1. The company is being sold/taken over/bought out by a competitor.
(Most popular rumor)

2. The Company has been chosen as a campaign stop on the President's re-election effort- due to the overwhelming Left-leaning of upper management.

3. Things are going so well, the marketing department is going to forego commissions for Q4 of 2011 to provide a 1-year leases on new Porsches for all employees.

4. The Company has been awarded a new contract to provide scoring for the Western Australia Cockroach Racing League. The WACRL will be expanding to 5 events this year, with a potential TV contract with Cable Channel 2378.6 in Perth, Austrailia.

5. The lawsuit against a certain 2nd Floor Senior Manager by a drag queen in Georgia has finally been settled.

6. The Company is moving out of our luxurious building and location to a barn/warehouse facility in an abandon sugarcane field in Hendry County, to economize on overhead costs and provide better hog hunting opportunities for the propellerheads and hunting segment of our staff.

8. Hooters of America is opening a micro-cafe in our warehouse. Hopefully this will cut down on post-lunchtime absenteeism in the HelpDesk, E-Media, and everyone who reports to Jingles.

9. New travel guidelines are being finalized... everyone will be traveling to all events (including international locations) via high-speed rail, in order to support President Obama's HSR Initatives. If HSR is not available between Jax and the event location, employees will travel via Greyhound bus. (Director level and above will travel via Amtrak for all trips)

10. The Company is discontinuing all use of Microsoft and PC based hardware. We're all Apple - all the time baby. Viva the 99%!

So... there ya are. Rumor Control at its finest.

One suggestion though for all the folks that will be attending-
I wouldn't drink or eat of the chow until AFTER the announcement...

Just saying.

TBG, still on the road.

Wonderful Words

2012-01-24T01:48:00.000-05:00

As a amateur etymologist, I enjoy a good word...
(Even if I mispronounce or misspell them occasionally)

For Constant Readers who also see beauty in the form of a written word, please consider this list from Deshoda...

Ailurophile A cat-lover.
Assemblage A gathering.
Becoming Attractive.
Beleaguer To exhaust with attacks.
Brood To think alone.
Bucolic In a lovely rural setting.
Bungalow A small, cozy cottage.
Chatoyant Like a cat’s eye.
Comely Attractive.
Conflate To blend together.
Cynosure A focal point of admiration.
Dalliance A brief love affair.
Demesne Dominion, territory.
Demure Shy and reserved.
Denouement The resolution of a mystery.
Desuetude Disuse.
Desultory Slow, sluggish.
Diaphanous Filmy.
Dissemble Deceive.
Dulcet Sweet, sugary.
Ebullience Bubbling enthusiasm.
Effervescent Bubbly.
Efflorescence Flowering, blooming.
Elision Dropping a sound or syllable in a word.
Elixir A good potion.
Eloquence Beauty and persuasion in speech.
Embrocation Rubbing on a lotion.
Emollient A softener.
Ephemeral Short-lived.
Epiphany A sudden revelation.
Erstwhile At one time, for a time.
Ethereal Gaseous, invisible but detectable.
Evanescent Vanishing quickly, lasting a very short time.
Evocative Suggestive.
Fetching Pretty.
Felicity Pleasantness.
Forbearance Withholding response to provocation.
Fugacious Fleeting.
Furtive Shifty, sneaky.
Gambol To skip or leap about joyfully.
Glamour Beauty.
Gossamer The finest piece of thread, a spider’s silk.
Halcyon Happy, sunny, care-free.
Harbinger Messenger with news of the future.
Imbrication Overlapping and forming a regular pattern.
Imbroglio An altercation or complicated situation.
Imbue To infuse, instill.
Incipient Beginning, in an early stage.
Ineffable Unutterable, inexpressible.
Ingénue A naïve young woman.
Inglenook A cozy nook by the hearth.
Insouciance Blithe nonchalance.
Inure To become jaded.
Labyrinthine Twisting and turning.
Lagniappe A special kind of gift.
Lagoon A small gulf or inlet.
Languor Listlessness, inactivity.
Lassitude Weariness, listlessness.
Leisure Free time.
Lilt To move musically or lively.
Lissome Slender and graceful.
Lithe Slender and flexible.
Love Deep affection.
Mellifluous Sweet sounding.
Moiety One of two equal parts.
Mondegreen A slip of the ear.
Murmurous Murmuring.
Nemesis An unconquerable archenemy.
Offing The sea between the horizon and the offshore.
Onomatopoeia A word that sounds like its meaning.
Opulent Lush, luxuriant.
Palimpsest A manuscript written over earlier ones.
Panacea A solution for all problems
Panoply A complete set.
Pastiche An art work combining materials from various sources.
Penumbra A half-shadow.
Petrichor The smell of earth after rain.
Plethora A large quantity.
Propinquity Proximity; Nearness
Pyrrhic Successful with heavy losses.
Quintessential Most essential.
Ratatouille A spicy French stew.
Ravel To knit or unknit.
Redolent Fragrant.
Riparian By the bank of a stream.
Ripple A very small wave.
Scintilla A spark or very small thing.
Sempiternal Eternal.
Seraglio Rich, luxurious oriental palace or harem.
Serendipity Finding something nice while looking for something else.
Summery Light, delicate or warm and sunny.
Sumptuous Lush, luxurious.
Surreptitious Secretive, sneaky.
Susquehanna A river in Pennsylvania.
Susurrous Whispering, hissing.
Talisman A good luck charm.
Tintinnabulation Tinkling.
Umbrella Protection from sun or rain.
Untoward Unseemly, inappropriate.
Vestigial In trace amounts.
Wafture Waving.
Wherewithal The means.
Woebegone Sorrowful, downcast.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

The Good and The Bad

2012-01-23T15:20:00.000-05:00

The bad?

Jousting with the nut-gropers at the TSA, again, at JIA.

I emptied all my pockets and compartments in my Blackhawk! Tac Operators pants prior to going through the Nude-o-Scope, and got pulled aside yet again.

Testicle Fondler: "Sir, you have something in your right pocket."
Yours Truly: "Nope. I don't."
TF: "Machine says so. I need to pat you down."
YT: "Go for it. Get your jollies."
TF: "What?"
YT: "I said 'Go ahead.'"
He felt around the outside of the right side cargo pocket...
TF: "There is something inside there."
YT: "Nope- what you feel is magazine retention loops. These pants are designed to securely carry 2 AR magazines in each storage pocket."
TF: (seriously) "Are you carrying magazines now?"
I gave him a moment to think about it.
YT: "Do you know what an AR15 Magazine looks like?"
TF: "Well... to tell you the truth... No."

To continue the conversation would only make things more difficult.

YT: "Nope. No magazines."
TF: "Then what is in that pocket?"
YT (getting exasperated): "Nothing. There are cloth loops sewn into the pocket..."
TF: "If you don't have the magazines, then why..."
YT: "You'll have to feel inside the pocket to understand..."
TF: (starts to stick his blue-gloved hand in my pocket...)
YT: "But you WILL change your gloves first..."

The Testicle Fondler decided that that was too much...
TF: "You're good to go."
Jeebus H. Turdhumping Creeest, I hate Tired, Slow and Anal agents...

The good?

Going to the Jax Beach Public Library with the Perfect Child...
That is one of the Early Voting locations for our area...
She took her brand-spanking-new Voter's Registration card and cast her ballot in the Florida primary election.

On the way there we discussed candidates, values, and political realities-
What issues to consider when choosing who to vote for, and the old saw about similarity between sausage-making and legislation...

She enjoyed casting her vote... She'll learn later about the other aspects of voting-
a favored candidate losing the election, favored legislation getting voted down and the spectrum of emotions that one experiences over the course of a contentious election cycle.

Welcome to the the real world, Sugar.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Hello, Pot? This is Kettle...

2012-01-22T14:27:00.002-05:00

Just caught Mittens on Faux Snooze as I was packing my bag...

He was commenting on the fact Noot won the South Carolina primary and how it really didn't mean anything because SC is right next to his home state of Georgia...

I was just checking on Google Maps...
Isn't New Hampshire, the only state Mittens has won, right next to Mittsachusetts?

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Self Perception Delusion

2012-01-22T11:47:00.000-05:00

When I'm on my bike, this is how I see myself...

What others see:

Strewth.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Signs Aren't Working?

2012-01-22T10:26:00.001-05:00

The Czar of Muscovy (Dread, awful, etc) over at The Gormogons highlighted an incident over in Spartanburg SC.
A pair of choirboys attempted to turn a Waffle House into an ATM, an occurence that a little Google Fu will tell you is a quite common pastime for said chiorboys nationwide. Mr.Concealed Carry was on hand, got the drop on them and tried to hold them at gunpoint, whereupon one of yon choirboys decided to test Mr. CC's resolve and got hisself ventilated.

Story here.
If you read the originating article, don't let the "waffle shop" identifier fool ya... It was a Waffle House.
I believe they are trying to introduce an element of plausible deniability since Waffle House has quite the reputation as a ~~"gun free" zone~~, sorry, "criminally enabled" zone.

I've noticed it across the country... More often than not, WH has the famous No Gun/Weapons on premises signs prominently displayed...
There was one on the door of the Ohio WH where I ate last week...
Had I been carrying I'd have had to go elsewhere... I would be committing felony trespass by ignoring the sign, and I definitely wouldn't leave a firearm in a rental car outside a fast food joint at 1:00 am.

The Czar hits the nail on the head:

See how firearms create more violence? Now there’s one more fatality. If there was effective gun control, that customer wouldn’t have been armed, and instead there would be only...wait. No, that can’t be right.

Okay, if there was more effective gun control, instead of the customer killing one evildoer, there would have been only a mere...wait, no; that still results in more innocent people killed.

How about this: thanks to ineffective gun control laws, a perfectly innocent person elected to kill a person who was about to...heck, that’s an even worse way to put it.

Hmm. Seems no matter how you phrase the typical pro-gun control argument, this problem about no dead innocent people and only one dead bad guy keeps ruining it. (emphasis mine -TBG)

(Hmmm... Interesting- They gave me a knife so I could eat my country ham...
Seems like they are actually HELPING me violate their policy.)

More often than not Waffle House has a no guns policy. It is probably left to a franchisee's discretion whether to post a "Armed Robbers Welcome" sign on the door, and the law-abiding concealed-carry community has noticed... See here, here and here. Practice your Google Fu for many many many more examples....

I'll be very curious to see how this plays out...
There is a good possibility that Mr.Concealed Carry could very well wind up on felony charges if the sheriff in Spartanburg is an "Only Ones" aficionado, of if the local state attorney wants to make a big splash...
Regardless...
I like me some Waffle House, but they are really testing me...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Truth in Marketing

2012-01-20T20:26:00.000-05:00

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

I Hate Short Hops

2012-01-20T13:34:00.002-05:00

Atlanta to Jax -
The flight is less than an hour... And out of Atlanta there is a Delta flight every 90 minutes to 2 hours...
On this particular flight there are 156 passengers in coach and 24 in Biz Class...
It takes longer to load all the passengers up than it does for the actual flight time.
(Seriously- 55 mins from start of boarding to cabin door closing. 42 minutes wheels up to wheels down.)

Why am I pissed off?
We encountered the dreaded Equipment Change...
New plane=seating change...
I'm in a middle seat now, and madder than a wet hen.

Delta CEO Richard Anderson is getting an ugly letter...

TBG

A Little is Better Than None...

2012-01-20T09:39:00.001-05:00

Mmmm. Bulkhead aisle happiness.

Guilty Guilty Guilty

2012-01-20T08:16:00.000-05:00

(Sitting in Port Columbus Airport, crossing my fingers that there are no delays due to the weather, surfing the web on the free WiFi...)

For anyone who appreciates education & humor in the form of intentional irony:

William Safire’s Rules for Writers

Remember to never split an infinitive.
The passive voice should never be used.
Do not put statements in the negative form.
Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great dealof repetition can be by rereading and editing.
A writer must not shift your point of view.
And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too,a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)
Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!
Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in longsentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun withsingular nouns in their writing.
Always pick on the correct idiom.
The adverb always follows the verb.
Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viablealternatives.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

The Worst Part...

2012-01-20T07:11:00.001-05:00

....is chipping my car out of the block of ice they refer to as a "parking lot" using only my hotel keycard, to get to the airport in time for my flight.
(Yeah, Luc, 7 degrees. That's like -35 Canadian degrees.)

TBG - a/k/a Captain Frostbite

Waffle House Waitress Flirtations

2012-01-19T09:04:00.001-05:00

Breakfast at the Waffle House near Port Columbus Airport this morning...

I was almost finished with my morning repast but needed a little more coffee to round out the meal.
Another customer entered and sat down at the counter near me.
Our waitress, Miss Dee, took his beverage order.
Miss Dee: "Wat choo drinkin' this mornin', baby?"
Customer: "Orange juice and coffee, thanks."
Yours Truly (holding up my nearly-empty cup): "Could you warm me up too?"
Miss Dee: "Oh baby, you know ah cain't do that. That's illegal in this part of town..."

(+5% on her tip for making my day.)

TBG

Oops

2012-01-18T08:31:00.001-05:00

So, clearing TSA microwaving & ball-juggling this AM, seems that I missed the mini-to-micro USB adapter in one of my cargo pockets.
(This of course triggered a Major Security Alert - hence the unwarranted but oddly pleasurable nut-fondling.)
The oddity was the TSA Supervisor who took the adapter, put it in a full-sized bin and ran it through the X-Ray machine.
Really, dude?
What did you think would be concealed inside an adapter the size of a quarter?
Well, at least it wasn't confiscated.

Jeebus. The dumbassery, it hurtz.

TBG

Better Late Than Never

2012-01-13T20:53:00.000-05:00

New Year's Resolutions

1. Stop making lists
B. Be more consistent.
7. Learn to count.

That's quite enough, I think.
Don't want to set the bar too high.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Dinner, Such As It Is...

2012-01-12T17:51:00.001-05:00

...Chopped chicken liver from Ben's Deli in Long Island...

Ambrosia!

TBG- noshing.

Hypocritical Dumbassery Abounds

2012-01-12T15:17:00.002-05:00

There is a piece in the Daytona Beach news about an 82 year old man who shot and killed a burglar.
Here.

This post is not about that...

It's about the dumbassery that is masquerading as "Reasonable and Proper".
One of the folks who commented trotted out the old "the crime doesn't fit the punishment" and "shoot to wound/scare away/slow down".

The idjits just don't get it.

Go read the comments. They are very enlightening...
Especially the hypocrisy in the follow-up commnets...

"My stand is just that life is valuable and sacred; some people have made some bad decisions, but there life is still worth something and it's a shame to see it lost. Serial killers are a different story, as are other groups of criminals."

Seems like our bleeding heart has a double standard...
Sorry, Dumbass... it's all or nothing. If one life is valuable and sacred, all of them are, including the serial killers.
My view, of course, is solipsistic... Only MY life, and those I choose extend the privilege of existence to are sacred.
Everyone else is on probation.

"Have a plan to kill everyone you meet." Forsooth!

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Coincidence? I Think Not...

2012-01-12T14:26:00.001-05:00

Wow. That's all I can say.

The year is 1947
Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, 65 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico . This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies and organizations.
However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:
Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William J. Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer
See what happens when aliens breed with sheep and jackasses? I certainly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you. It did for me.
No wonder they support the bill to help illegal aliens!

Via Mike @ Sipsey Street

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

I Guess When I Die I'll Become a Democrat...

2012-01-12T10:06:00.003-05:00

...which will be even more unpalatable.

SC DMV: 900 Dead People May Have Voted.

"...more than 900 people who were recorded as having voted were actually dead."

I'm sure zombies making their way to a voting machine would have made the news...
I think we should be clear here...
At least 900 instances of election fraud were committed in SC...Dead people don't vote; Live people commit voter fraud using dead people's ID.

AG Holder: "Nothing to see here- move along."

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Hey, Mainstream Media...

2012-01-11T11:00:00.000-05:00

Quit portraying Mittens Romney as the Official GOP Nominee for the 2012 Presidential election...

Fer cryin' out loud, he's won 2 primaries, and one was in a neighboring state to his beloved Taxachusetts, so he was a home-town favorite, as it were.

There's quite a bit of votin' to be done... Let's wait until we see more results, and preferably some from a state NOT filled with dipstick yankee mouthbreathers and hayseeds that overanalyze issues like how a candidate parts his hair or underwear choice. (no offense Iowa and New Hamster)

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Creative Advertising

2012-01-10T08:41:00.001-05:00

The Gap, eh...
I wonder which network is airing that program?

TBG

Bulkhead Aisle

2012-01-09T06:38:00.001-05:00

Woot!

Another Monday, another outbound flight.
Yay me.

TBG - Seat 5B

Hey CBS & Lara Logan: - Shut The Fuck Up

2012-01-08T21:22:00.000-05:00

~~Watching 60 minutes tonight...~~ 60 Minutes was on while I was packing tonight...
I had watched Denver pull out a win in overtime and didn't change the channel after it was over.
(Normally I would not be watching any maninstream news program, and especially not 60 Minutes, but I was busy.)

I caught a quote from an interview and couldn't believe what I heard- I had to go to their website to verify it... (you can do the same. I won't link to it here.)

The story was about the Beans family who have 5 sets of brothers serving in the "Lone Star Battalion" in Afghanistan...
Here was the quote that made me stop to write this:

Logan: That's a lotta trouble to go to, to go and fight in a war that not many Americans believe is worth fighting these days?
Daniel Beans: That's the great thing about America. Everybody's entitled to their opinion.
(Emphasis mine-TBG)

What. The. Fuck.

Hey, Lara- I don't know where you got your info, but the characterizations you just made about average Americans offends the living shit out of me. When you tell a man serving his country that the majority of Americans don't believe the cause they are fighting for is worthwhile, well, I have to tell ya, you have no clue what you're talking about and you have no credibility.
I don't understand the liberal media- where they can offer a minority opinion and color it as a majority opinion.
(They also blew the story of The Fighting Sullivan's and how they died. The really need better fact checkers at CBS...)
And yeah, I know she got groped over in Egypt during the Arab Spring protests.
I could give a shit. Go back to South Africa. See You Next Tuesday, bitch.

And way to go Daniel Beans. You handled this biatch MUCH better than I would have. Thanks to you and your family for your service to our country.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Guana River TWSS

2012-01-08T17:09:00.001-05:00

Jingles: "It's a lot easier getting out than getting in..."
TBG: "Do I actually have to say it, or can you infer my comment?"

TBG

Liberal College Girl

2012-01-08T13:19:00.000-05:00

A/K/A - Stereotypes can be soooo true.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

First Person Shooter

2012-01-07T07:47:00.001-05:00

Might have to switch to the Squad Auto or maybe even the chainsaw...

TBG - In the weeds

Sunrise

2012-01-06T09:28:00.001-05:00

Sunrise at Guana Dam, heading home after scouting Guana WMA.
With a little planning, skill and a smidgen of luck, there will be a post about hunting, killing and wild pork sausage tomorrow morning.

TBG - "I didn't know 4:00 came twice a day."

Scouting Trip

2012-01-06T09:23:00.001-05:00

Foggy morning in Guana River Wildlife Management Area

Looking for hog tracks in Guana, hunting wild pigs tomorrow AM with Jingles and Chief Propeller Head...

Life as a Take Out Menu

2012-01-03T05:46:00.000-05:00

(Found slipped under my door at the Marriott early this AM. Where the hell was I drinking last night?)

LIFE

GRAND REOPENING!

Appetizers

Insomnia...............................................$2.00
Weird Dream (4).....................................$4.00
Loud Barking Downstairs...........................$1.20
Cold Bathroom........................................$1.20
Pain in Neck...........................................$4.00
Hangover...............................................$1.10
Angry Wife.............................................$3.25
Dirty Diaper...........................................$1.10

Side Orders (Sm.) (Lg.)

Plain Financial Anxiety..............................$1.00 $2.00
Crispy Fear of Death.................................$1.00 $2.00
Black Mold.....................................................$2.00

Sweet and Sour (Served with Plain Financial Anxiety.)

Girl at pastry shop stops flirting with you
when she sees ring...........................................$9.75

Baby daughter paints funny picture of you on
brand-new 46-inch 1080p HDTV...........................$9.75

Combo Platter (Served with Plain Financial Anxiety, or Crispy Fear of Death.)

Take Out the Trash and Give Finger
to Speeding Driver................................................$6.75

Give Finger to Speeding Driver and Run in Park...........$6.75

Run in Park and Loud Barking Downstairs....................$6.75

Loud Barking Downstairs and Take Out
the Trash............................................................$6.75

Give Finger to Barking Downstairs and Throw
Trash at Speeding Driver.........................................$6.75

Chef's Specials

Dragon and Phoenix..............................................$9.25
Argument with wife cannot be won; stop fantasizing about her seeking forgiveness.

Seven Stars Around the Moon.................................$9.25
Long e-mail to well-connected friend requesting work has bounced yet again.

Four Seasons......................................................$9.25
A strange sense that time is moving faster and faster and you are accomplishing less and less.

Triple Delight.....................................................$9.25
Postman hands you shrink-wrapped parcel, has no idea it contains pornographic DVD, no one home.

Happy Family.....................................................$9.25
Wife elated after you agree to go on medication permanently, despite sexual side effects.

Please: No substitutions.

W-w-what?

2012-01-02T20:23:00.001-05:00

Dean: "I just want everyone to know I just delivered a double muff in the shower."

You probably don't want to know...

Happy New Year, Y'all

2012-01-01T10:29:00.000-05:00

Greetings all...

A subdued and enjoyable New Year's Day to everyone...

Hopefully everyone was able to avoid infestations of bulletproof Canadian spider-goats*... I had assistance from The Captain last night in that effort, and once again made the mistake of dining with JR...
Nothing that a stomach pump and a Grade 3 exorcism won't cure.

I'm on the job today so no omphaloskepsis concerning 2011, no rants on the President and his efforts; No diatribes on gun control, no commentary on global climate change bufferoonery, no stifled laughter and finger pointing at politicians, or
making fun of The Liberal Media.
At least, not today.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Really, Canadian Spider Goats. Not bulletproof, but disturbing none the less.

Game On

2011-12-31T16:11:00.001-05:00

Winter Classic 2012
Alumni Game

Home Sweet Home

2011-12-30T23:55:00.003-05:00

I will never complain about my office at the Olympics again...

TBG

Midnight TWSS

2011-12-30T23:55:00.001-05:00

Slippers: "...it was bigger than I thought."
TBG: "That's what she said."

TBG

Classic Behavior

2011-12-30T22:55:00.000-05:00

The clock is ticking... Winter Classic, Rangers @ Flyers on January 2.

Long rant about overindulgences deleted.

Summary:
1. Maggiano's Family Style Dinner for 4 = Gluttony²+major indigestion

2. Going to Fogo de Chao two days later = Didn't you learn your lesson the other night, dumbass?

I've got to quit going to dinner with JR & Da Boyz.
It always ends with me french-kissing a bottle of Pepto Bismol.
Obviously, not a pretty sight.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Horror scope.

2011-12-29T23:35:00.000-05:00

Aries ~ The Ram

Well, Aries, the Moon is in the Seventh House and Jupiter aligns with Mars in no uncertain terms this coming week. You know your co-worker that stole the pencil sharpener last Thursday? The one with the cheeky smile? Well consider yourself in like Flynn! Yep, before the week is out you two are going to be under the covers and going at it like rabbits. To cap off the week, when you eventually turn on your phone after three days of hot sex, you will discover that you have inherited nearly a hundred million dollars from a fond uncle. You will also receive an erroneously calculated gas bill and find termites in the east corner of your house. Your lucky number is 17 - why not buy a lottery ticket - you’ve siphoned all the luck out of some other poor bastard’s universe, may as well go for broke!

Taurus ~ The Bull

Few weeks of your life will be quite as boring as this one. When you accidentally kick over a carton of orange juice on Beach Blvd on Tuesday, it will seem like an earth-shattering event to you. None of your friends will think so, however, especially Aries. Other than that, you will watch a re-run of House on TV, pick your nose until it bleeds and notice that all the cars in your street have number plates ending in 3 or 7. On Thursday you will get out of bed on the opposite side to the one you normally do.

Gemini ~ The Twins

With your sign under the influence of Uranus, this will be a real arse of a week for Geminis. An electrical fault in your motorcycle ignition system tomorrow will cause you to break down in the middle of commuter traffic. When you get off your car to look at the engine so you can pretend that you actually have a clue what goes on under there, a passing motorist will call you a ‘pugnacious lemon-brained froth-sucker’. At least that’s what it will sound like as they speed past. After you have trudged to work in a relentless drizzle you will remember that it was your day off anyway. The rest of the week is a little better, with a nice warm day on Tuesday and a particularly tasty chicken salad sandwich for lunch on Wednesday. Your lucky color is off-white and your lucky fruit is cumquat.

Cancer ~ The Crab

There’s no business like show business Cancer, and that’s no business for you to contemplate for even a second. Monday evening brings the temptation to go center stage at an after-work karaoke escapade, a temptation to which you will quickly wish you hadn’t succumbed. The video clip taken by a co-worker will be posted on YouTube and will receive 172,980 viewings. Most of those viewers will be laughing at you, not with you. You will not go into work on Tuesday, which will turn out to be a wise decision. On Wednesday you will receive news of a distant relative’s win on the lottery. You will eat a mediocre pasta dish on Thursday evening and drink a little too much red wine. On the weekend you will see a bizarre accident involving a person dressed in a bear costume and a clothes rack. Your sleep will be disturbed by dreams of escaped bees.

Leo ~ The Lion

On Monday you will be crushed to death by an unsecured piano falling out the back of a furniture truck.

Virgo ~ The Virgin

With Neptune high in the sky and Mercury on the ascendant, the next few days bring many exciting small things for Virgos. Early on there will be a letter in your name with a ten dollar voucher at K-Mart. On Tuesday a man in Liederhosen will goose you on the bus. Wednesday morning sees the commencement of a subscription to National Geographic and the afternoon brings an offer of scones and jam. Thursday you will be given a small parcel by a Middle Eastern man. It will contain Turkish Delight, a packet of cardamom pods and some spools of maroon thread. Over the weekend there will be some nice weather. You will see something funny on the TV that will cause you to snort blue Gatorade over a clean shirt.

Libra ~ The Scales

After last week, you’ll be wanting to sit down and take it easy you Librans! Which is what you’ll attempt to do, and fail. You face a week of constant interruptions, aggravations and stomach ailments. You will try to avoid being contacted by switching off your mobile phone, but that won’t work - news of a relative’s recent windfall (an inheritance due to the death of a wealthy uncle) will reach you by singing telegram. A motorcycle will break down in front of you in peak-hour traffic and you will uncharacteristically shout obscenities at the poor bastard looking at the engine. You will witness an horrific accident in which a person is crushed to death by a piano.

Scorpio ~ The Scorpion

Scorpio! What a week you have ahead! You know how you’ve always wanted to parachute out of plane at 3000 feet? No? Well that’s what you find yourself doing anyway. It’s not at all fun. Later in the week you will hit your head very hard on the sharp under-edge of a cabinet. There will be a lot of blood. But fear not! Romance is in the air! A tall dark mysterious stranger wearing a cape will give you flowers (an attractive selection of gerberas, daisies and lilies) at the bus stop. Unfortunately they will trigger your hayfever and you will spend the rest of the week in bed. An email sent to you by Bill Gates, offering you a million dollars, turns out to be spam. Your lucky number this week is 1.232 and your lucky woodworking tool is an awl.

Ophiucus ~ The Serpent Bearer

As usual, people will fail to take any notice of you this week, and you will feel transparent and insignificant.

Sagittarius ~ The Archer

A trip to deep thermal vents in a submersible is on the cards for lucky Sagittarius this week. You probably don’t think that’s likely, but it is a damn site more likely than the discovery of the alien civilization at the bottom of the ocean which follows. You find yourself front-page news along with the other 500 million Sagittarians who were down there. Your lucky color is taupe and your lucky grain is barley.

Capricorn ~ The Sea-goat

Remarkably, this week for Capricorns is exactly the same in every detail as last week.

Aquarius ~ The Water Carrier

Aquarius can look forward to a FedEx package this week. It will contain some news from Peter Popoff, with a lot of writing and a piece of The True Cross. Later in the week brings a visit from a Greenpeace representative wanting you to join up. She will give you a leaflet and a sticker. You will have a very spicy curry on Wednesday night, and some garlic naan bread. A noisy neighbor will keep you awake on Thursday by playing seemingly endless repetitions of ‘My Sharona’ on their hi-fi. Your lucky vegetable is a swede, as is your lucky National representative.

Pisces ~ The Fishes

As the week commences Pisceans might start to think that they’re going insane. As, in fact, they are. By Wednesday the hallucinations will have well and truly set in, and you’ll all be completely bonkers by 3pm Thursday. Your lucky color is paisley and your lucky prescription medication is Valium.

Classic, Continued

2011-12-28T11:32:00.001-05:00

The rain finally stopped;
Now if the wind would drop to a manageable 30 knots or so, we might be able to get stuff done...

Winter. Classic.

2011-12-27T17:48:00.001-05:00

And it's raining...

Lovely. Just fripping lovely.

TBG

Bah. Humbug.

2011-12-26T09:54:00.000-05:00

In the spirit of the Holiday Season, inspired by Dr J and his postings at The Gormogons and Famous the Borepatch's myriad of musical postings, here's one of MY favorite holiday carols, a parody of Tom Waits and Peter Murphy by the Athens Georgia group Porn Orchard...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

The Whitest Rap of 2011

2011-12-26T09:31:00.000-05:00

From our Educational Videos Department:

Following in the footsteps of Tom Lerher and his musical adaption of the Periodic Table,two Columbia University students playing Wm. Strunk and E.B. White, performing The Elements of Style.
The Elements of Style from Jake Heller on Vimeo.

“Split infinitive/Never definitive/Sounds unintelligent/Dumb and inelegant.”
Forsooth!

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

This Is Why You Grind Your Own

2011-12-24T07:50:00.000-05:00

Poster here

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Recovered Post: NBA Finals 09 -- Orlando TWSS

2011-12-23T11:47:00.000-05:00

I was checking under the hood on Blogger this morning and found some posts that got hung up under the chassis and were never formally posted...Like this gem from back in 2009...

Rios: "I don't share my bananas with anyone."
TBG: "That's what she said."

Other fun quotes...
Sean: "...the rats are going to outlive us."
MichaelM: "Them and Cher."

Good times, good times...
TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Cheesy Celebs

2011-12-23T08:35:00.000-05:00

(more after the jump)
TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Car Wash to the Nth Degree

2011-12-22T20:23:00.000-05:00

Looks like a Top Gear stunt.
TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Perfect Christmas Card

2011-12-22T08:02:00.000-05:00

Terry Gilliam brings us the perfect Christmas Card, complete with gunfire, kidnappings and theft...
TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

For Crafty Cooks

2011-12-19T12:43:00.001-05:00

...the Melted Snowman Cookie

How to do it...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Desperate, Aren't We?

2011-12-19T00:16:00.000-05:00

Really?
You need the Interweb to find a place to drink?

Find me a place to drink.

Pathetic.
(But useful for unimaginative travelers.)

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Christmas Want List

2011-12-18T12:08:00.000-05:00

Want: to do

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Want: For the tree

Alas, no longer available through ~~Blackwater~~ Xe Academi

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Want: to sneak one onto someone else's tree...

Pornaments.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

You Ain't The Boss of Me

2011-12-18T09:03:00.000-05:00

Tam waxes eloquent on Human Nature, and more specifically, American Behavior.

~~Go. Read. That's an order...~~
Do not read it. US Gubbmint sez: It's probably bad for you.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Stowaway

2011-12-11T04:44:00.000-05:00

I think it got into the car while we were in the Plateau...

I just want to know why it's smiling...

Quite disturbing.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

More Spiders

2011-12-10T19:40:00.000-05:00

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Good Point...

2011-12-10T11:45:00.000-05:00

Something to think about...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Can't Say I Wasn't Warned...

2011-12-09T22:21:00.001-05:00

...Several times and in several manners.

You would think that after my last encounter with The Czar I would learn to leave well-enough alone.

Alas, any Constant Reader would know that it ain't in my nature to let a sleeping dog lie.

So- in the last couple weeks as I traveled hither and yon across the Wasteland I have been building a force to lay siege to Castle G...
Take the battle to The Gormogons, tilt against Tcho-Tchos, maybe down a hot toddy with an antifreeze chaser at the Leaping Peacock...
I even let Them know I was coming....

The Czar did me one better, giving me and The Horde directions to the Castle and the Plateau of Leng.

The Castle travels in time and space, but can be found on the Plateau of Leng, when it appears just outside of the scenic hamlet of Fond-du-Lac, Wisconsin.

Take Route 45 North to Kinker Road, and turn right (heading East). This will become Westmoreland Drive (Exit 5). Head North to Castle Road and follow the signs.
If you reach WI- 114/10, you have gone too far North. You’ll soon know what that means.

Guests of the Castle may park in the rear for free, behind the Hippodrome. One of our Tcho-Tchos will be happy to park your vehicle for you, or at the very least, tear your seats apart with his teeth. If you need help with your bags, feel free to ask, and they will hurl them off the plateau.

Fond Du Lac
Check
Hwy 45 North
Check
Right on Kinker Rd
Check

Hmmm...
There was young man at the crossroads (possibly Dat Ho?) who handed me a wooden box containing what looked like a rusty astrolabe and a sextant made of condor bones.
"You'll need this."
The astrolabe had several additional retes, and on the back there were several zodiac signs that I didn't recognize, including a dragon, a burning tree, and a humanoid figure with a squid for a head.
Never let it be said that I can't follow directions.

Man, that water's cold. Deep too.

We found a road, of sorts.

The going got rough, then the going got weird.

When we saw the first hound of Tandalos, the Horde made a retreat that made the Italians in WWII look like Jim Bowie and the Texians at the Alamo.
By this time, The Horde said became Yours Truly, two warriors of the F'kawee tribe, and a parrot.
The parrot was the only one who was prepared since he had that feathered coat, and the rest of us didn't even have a Union Oil map.

We started across the famous Plateau of Leng and quickly figured out is it is kind of a Mobius strip made of ice, human skin, used condoms, and pecan shells.

I started to realize the The Czar knew what he was doing when he gave us directions...
He was, I surmise, trying to teach us a lesson in metaphysical self-reliance.

It shortly became obvious what the Czar meant when he said:

"If you reach WI- 114/10, you have gone too far North. You’ll soon know what that means."

I consulted my GPS (useless), then plugged 114/10 reference into the astrolabe and then shot the horizon with the sextant trying to get a fix on our location.

We never found Castle G...but we did find something even more impressive...
We found a huge "X" inscribed in the noisome surface of the plateau as we arrived at the astrolabe's indicated position.
As we stood there, I realized that The Czar's directions had lead us to a very specific and mystical location...

We were directly above the center of the Earth.

Amazing.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Angry Iceman

2011-12-08T10:57:00.001-05:00

"I don't care who you are... Get that *%&$£ing crap off my nice clean ice."

Jeebus!

2011-12-08T08:43:00.001-05:00

I Want To See This Episode...

2011-12-07T08:37:00.001-05:00

MythBusters stunt sends cannonball flying through Dublin home

The Alameda County Sheriff's Department confirmed that at around 4 p.m. a cannonball was "misfired" from the Alameda County bomb range at Camp Parks and struck a home blocks away on Cassata Place.

"This cannonball was supposed to pass through several barrels of water and a cinder block wall to slow its inertia," said J.D. Nelson of Alameda County Sheriff's Department. "When the shot was fired, it misfired. The cannon lifted."

"Don't try this at home, we're professionals" my aching, dying ass...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

1 Corinthians 6:19

2011-12-06T01:37:00.001-05:00

Good food, good friends-

I made a little detour on Sunday afternoon and dropped by Waco TX for a late lunch and good conversation with Famous the Borepatch. A little rum, some great tales and catching up...
I caught the Quote of the Week during our chat:
"Bad news doesn't improve with age." came out during an exchange about how to break bad news to Upper Management.

Anyone want to hazard a guess what was on the menu?
You got it...
A chicken-fried steak the size of a Ford Pinto.

Holy Mackerel!

Astute readers will note the Uncle Jay signature move: The double-starch side dishes.
Yep- Macaroni & Cheese AND mashed potatoes.

As The Mighty Skunk opined recently:
"Your coronary arteries must really hate you."
Probably so... But with this variable weather, I prefer to believe that my cholesterol is the only thing keeping me from freezing to death.

Life's too short NOT to eat chicken fried steak...
But at least I wait to have GOOD CFS... Life is NOT too short to eat BAD chicken fried steak. (I'm looking at you, Waffle House & Cracker Barrel...)

Abe Sapien: "My body is a temple..."
HellBoy: "Not anymore. Now it's an amusement park."
-HellBoy II

If I'd know I was going to live this long I'd have taken better care of myself.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Crap.

2011-12-05T09:54:00.001-05:00

I wasn't expecting to wake up to this...

Shine, Mister?

2011-12-04T11:00:00.001-05:00

Gotta find me a shoeshine boy...

Ain't nothing like a little North Texas shud to screw up a pair of Nikes.

(shud: cowshit + mud + 3 days of rain)

Shooty Goodness

2011-12-03T09:18:00.001-05:00

Wow, I like a nice rack...

I'm having this done to my A390...
Maybe I won't shred my thumbs next time I go skeet & trap shooting.

Mmmm... Nice hardware...

(Click to enlarge)
I'm thinking about getting a Benelli M1 just so I can get one of these Xrail mag extensions.27 rounds in the gun.
Perfect for the impending Zombie Apocalypse.

Speaking of nice hardware, how about this Gaia-unfriendly beast?
Talk about an 'extended cab'...

Ok- Back to the range...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Eats: St. Louis

2011-12-01T06:20:00.000-05:00

Went to Johnny's in Soulard with RickP from Scottrade Arena.

Wow.

If Hooters pisses you off, don't go to Johnny's

My my my.
Yes, that is how the waitresses dress.

But the real showstoppers are the wings...
That 27 year old recipe for Johnny's Famous Hot Sauce?
It is awesome.

Frank's Red Hot sauce, Durkee's & butter...
It's like liquid love...
Angry, kick-your-ass-so-you-can-have-crazy-weasel-makeup-sex love.

They were so good, I forgot to get a picture when they were delivered.

I even finished the bones.

If you are in the area, run, don't walk, to Johnny's.
1017 Russell Blvd St. Louis MO (314) 865-0900

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

The Quest Continues: Texas Schnitzel

2011-11-30T14:58:00.001-05:00

So KX59 flips me a link when he hears that I will be in DFW...

Since you are going to be near Fort Worth, Ifound a truly epic chicken fried steak for ya...
Cowtown Diner in Ft Worth

KX59 & the lovely and armed Southern Belle were the ones that took me to Goodsens in Tomball earlier this summer... it was the opening act in the Great Chicken Fried Steak Und Weiner Schnitzel Quest...
I had it in Texas, I had it in LA, and of course I had several orders in Berlin this year.

So, KX59 is trying to kill me -

The link he sent was about the "Full O Bull" Chicken Fried Steak challenge platter
9 pounds of chicken fried steak...
Think about a slab of CFS the size of a bath mat.

I could probably eat one...They give you all day to do it.
The problem is that you also have to eat 6 pounds of mashed potatoes, and 10 slices of Texas toast.

I avoided temptation and ordered the lunch version...

There was an issue-
I never should have held on to the menu after ordering.

As I was looking over the starters I saw this:

Oh my. Oh my oh my.
I was pondering an order of these deep-fried hand grenades and my lunch arrived.

Just the regular order was amazing.
And huge.

No way I'll be able to finish this beast AND and order of the deviled eggs.
CFS, green beans with bacon and mashed potatoes.

Probably not quite as big as the one at Goodsons...

But it was still really really good.

Did I finish it?

Does a cripple crab crawl?

If the Fates drag you kicking and screaming to Fort Worth Texas, mosey on over to the Cowtown Diner on Main St, between 1st and 2nd...
Sit at the bar and have Justin the barkeep tend to your needs and wishes.

As for that laginappe...
Yeah- I got an order of the deviled eggs to go.

They were awesome.

TBG- Stuffed to the gills.

(PS- Hey Borepatch- there is a special Easter egg in this post for you...)

Tech Tips - #246r.3

2011-11-30T13:09:00.001-05:00

-or, how I spent my day in Dallas

When seating cards in an Evertz frame chassis,
Press the card in as hard as possible.

Then press even harder.

Only then will the card seat completely and start to function properly.
Seems that the chassis have a TFS that is set at a pretty high threshold.

TBG - Dallas, westbound.

(TFS? That would be the Technician Frustration Sensor.)

They Are Ruining Christmas...

2011-11-29T11:42:00.001-05:00

Ah, the ubiquitous "they"...
Who, you may ask, are "they"...

Radio station programming directors, big box merchandisers, all those folks that want to hasten us into the gift-buying mentality/behavior.

The ones that are particularly galling right at this moment are the radio stations and Muzak-analogs that run in-store and in-restaurant background music systems...

It starts just after Halloween... an occasional Holiday Hit stuck in amongst the regular airplay. Now it's all Christmas, all the time- from Thanksgiving morning to New Years Day...
And it's starting to piss me off.
(Untrue- I've been pissed off about this for a long time.)

Back when I actually had a say in the matters I tried to issue a moratorium on music & decorations at the Estrogen Palace...to no avail.
The Woman Who Knows Most Things and the Perfect Child used to love digging out all the foofaraws and paraphernalia for The Season on the Saturday after Thanksgiving...
I would try to get them to delay to at least the 9th or 10th...(arbitrarily picked date, anything to delay the inevitable)
I figure two weeks of festivity was plenty for anyone.
Not that I'm a Grinch or anything, but a month or more of anything is too much.

Two weeks keeps it all fresh through the end of The Season- otherwise, hearing the 200th rendition of "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" makes me want to grab the .270 and look for a rooftop or a clock tower.

I've been on the road since Thanksgiving day, and will be for for the next 2 weeks-
and it seems like every hotel lobby, restaurant and airport I've been in has been blaring Jingle Bell Rock and I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus cranked to 11.
I'm already tired of it.

Fortunately for me my Rental Car du Jour has an iPod interface, so I can listen to Warren Zevon, Tom Waits, Jimmy Buffett and Leon Redbone ad infinitum... This way, when I feel the need for Seasonal Festivity, I can flip over to MY Christmas playlist and listen to my favorite sounds of the season like Mannheim Steamroller or the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, or perhaps even a little Bob Rivers:

(I know... It's kind of a drag...)

Meanwhile, back to the problem at hand-
Overdosing the general public on Christmas music...
Uncle Jay's suggestion:
No Christmas music before or on Thanksgiving. None.
Stop screwing up the holidays by rushing things.
Play all you want on Black Friday.
(Maybe it will calm the Rabid Horde down a bit and cut down on the pepper-spray incidents.)
Then wait until December 1st; play one every hour or so...
Ease us into it.
In the 2nd and 3rd week, bump the carols-per-hour up gradually until the 20th-
Then go whole-hog...

Wait. What am I thinking?

Expecting sanity and restraint from the American Merchandising Machine?

That be like Congress enacting Election Reform...

It's a lost cause.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

2011: a Team Cam Oddity

2011-11-28T12:56:00.001-05:00

TBG: "Open the penalty box door, Helen."

Helen: "I'm sorry Jay, I'm afraid I can't do that."

Thomas Hood Was Right.

2011-11-27T17:48:00.001-05:00

No birds
No flowers
No leaves
November

TBG

Back in the Saddle

2011-11-27T17:45:00.001-05:00

Welcome to St Loogie.
34 Degrees.

Last time I was here it was wicked insane hot and we had tormadoes.
Now its just gray & cold...

Unclear on the Concept - Wassamatta U Edition

2011-11-23T06:46:00.000-05:00

"So, Cletus...just how *did* you get that moose up in the tree?"
"Well, I had to get him out of the boat somehow..."

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Signs of the Apocalypse - Part 742.45a

2011-11-22T23:09:00.000-05:00

(From back-of-house in an arena that shall remain unidentified)

You fuckin'-A right, Henry.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Kama Sutra of the Socially Inept

2011-11-21T05:03:00.000-05:00

Just doing my part for the rejected, jilted and spurned.
No charge.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

5 Second Rule - Was it a Emausaurus?

2011-11-20T06:21:00.000-05:00

Need help with that decision?

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Helpful Advice - NYC Edition

2011-11-19T23:42:00.000-05:00

...Unless, of course, you want a shiv stuck in your ribs.

Moral of the story: New York hates you.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Kids These Days...

2011-11-19T03:02:00.000-05:00

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Hey Twihards!

2011-11-18T02:00:00.000-05:00

(This includes you, PC...)

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Headgear

2011-11-17T21:16:00.000-05:00

They say it's all about The Hat...

So if that's the case, what are we to make of this?:

"We shall consult the Oracle. Come back in 10 days for our answer.
Bring mice. And a canned ham."

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Letters to People Unlikely to Respond: Assclown Smoker Apology

2011-11-17T12:52:00.001-05:00

To the girl in the red Ford Explorer on Penman Ave:

As I pulled up behind you on my motorcycle and we waited on the traffic light,
I could tell there was going to be a confrontation.

You were rocking the "Commuting Smoker" pose- window down, mostly-consumed cigarette held stylishly out the window, occasionally flicking the butt to increase the ash content of the streets in Neptune Beach.

This isn't her, but it is the same situation in the same place.

I sat behind you watching, knowing what was coming, like I have seen it a thousand times before...
One last drag as the light goes green, then the butt sails out the window, to add to the huge collection of discarded smoker trash at every turn lane in North Florida, and I guess, most of North America.

Yep- you reeled it in for a minute for that final lungful of tars and nicotene, then held it out the window at arms length and let it drop to the street.

You. Fucking. Slob. Bitch.

I know you couldn't possible have known that not ten minutes earlier I'd just had a similar encounter out on Atlantic Boulevard where another smoking asshat flipped his butt out the window where it impacted my windscreen then bounced up, narrowly missing my face.
I spent the next 10 minutes cussing smokers in general, until I wound up behind you.

And this callous move pushed me over the edge.

"Hey! Lady. This isn't your ashtray! Pick that up!" I shouted.
The light had changed and traffic started to move...

I could see your shilouette in the car- you gave the palms-up, shrugged shoulders-
"What?"

Oh. You're busted, and you want to play dumb.
No problem. Let me expalin.

I know you were surprised when I rode around you and stopped my bike in front of your SUV, hopped off the bike and walked to your window, which was still down...

I picked up your still-smouldering butt and flicked it in your window...
(...and you should be thankful I threw it down toward your floorboard instead of your face.)
"You dropped this, you slob. The street isn't your fucking ashtray."
I went back to my bike, dropped into first gear and rode off.

Here's where the apology comes in.

I apologize for using profanity at you.

I'm sorry you have a nicotene monkey on your back.

I'm sorry you're such a slob.

I'm sorry for the people you live and work with.

I apologize for wanting to live in a place without heaps of cigarette butts in the streets.

See you next Tuesday.

Sincerely-

The big mean guy on the motorcycle behind you.

------------

What the fuck is wrong with you people?

I could give a flying fuck what kind of poison you sniff, snort, shoot, inhale or rub into your belly. Do what you want. Really. I could give a fat rat's ass.

BUT QUIT USING THE STREET AS YOUR FUCKING ASHTRAY.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

House Passes Permit Reciprocity Bill

2011-11-17T07:46:00.001-05:00

Wow. Color me amazed.
But I'm not going to start holding my breath yet...

WASHINGTON, Nov. 16 (UPI) -- The U.S. House voted Wednesday to approve a bill that would allow reciprocity between states that issue concealed-weapon permits..

The National Right-to-Carry Reciprocity Act of 2011 passed 272-154 with 229 Republicans and 43 Democrats backing it, the Los Angeles Times said.

Proponents want the measure to make it easier for gun owners to travel between states without having to worry whether their permit is valid, but opponents view it as a federal infringement on states' rights, the newspaper said.

"The simple right to defend yourself and loved ones from criminals is fundamental, and it doesn't extinguish when you cross a state border," said Rep. Cliff Stearns, R-Fla., who sponsored the bill.

The bill goes to the Senate where similar legislation died in 2009.

Forty states have some form of concealed-weapon-permit reciprocity, advocates said.

Hmmm...

"...opponents view it as a federal infringement on states' rights"...

Seems to me that the 'opponents' the LA Times cites are a bit misguided.
I would think that the infringement would be if the bill required that everyone buy a firearm. Kinda like forcing everyone to purchase health insurance.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Christmas Gift

2011-11-16T16:17:00.001-05:00

...for the Perfect Child.
(Good thing she doesn't read the 'blog, eh?)

I was thinking about a t-shirt...

Now, if I could get the message *and* direct the link to a picture of Yours Truly in "Angry Ogre" mode...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Fun on the Menu, Berlin '11

2011-11-16T04:36:00.000-05:00

Really?
Jägerschnitzel?
(Οοοο! It is mit der Schwammerlsauce!)

I wonder if I should ask if they have Tequilaschnitzle?

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

"...You really don't want to see the Executive Chef..."

2011-11-15T05:34:00.000-05:00

Shut up and eat.

And leave a good tip.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Post-Halloween Creepification

2011-11-14T01:01:00.000-05:00

This reminds me of a Dry Tortugas / Ft. Jefferson ghost story.
Buy me a drink sometime and I'll tell you the tale...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

TV Sports Announcer Dumbassry

2011-11-12T13:21:00.001-05:00

I caught a good bit of last week's South Carolina / Arkansas game and I'm watching today's Florida /South Carolina game and chatting with The Woman...
Announcers talk just to make noise.
It drives me nuts to hear someone makes a comment like "...the receivers really need make those catches".
Uh, ya think so?

I'm not a Spurrier fan...
He brought a fan base to my alma mater that I really detest:
People with no ties to the school, except liking the take-no-prisoners style of football and a cool mascot.
A huge majority of Florida fans didn't even GO to college, let alone UF.

The CBS announcers constantly refer to him by his monniker of "The Ol' Ball Coach"...except they keep screwing it up calling him "Ol' Head Coach" or "Head Ball Coach" and as usual they are driving it into the ground...
Assclowns.

The Woman: "We could make a drinking game out of this...
Every time they call him that, or when they make a 'Captain Obvious' statement like 'They really need to pick up that first down...' you have to drink."
Yours Truly: "You're going to need another case of beer and I need a bigger bottle of rum."

'Sup, Dog?

2011-11-12T05:49:00.000-05:00

Where my lime, bitch?
My Corona need a lime, dammit.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Newest OWS Demand: More Sunny Days in July

2011-11-12T02:30:00.000-05:00

Dumbasses.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

You're killing me, Whitey*...

2011-11-11T00:22:00.000-05:00

Another day, another 45 minutes trying to get access to the building internet.

1'M 71r3d-71r3d-71r3D 0f j00 73cH-7YP3z 7H@ L1k3 70 D0 26 Ch4r4c73R P4Zzw0RDz 1n L337-5P34K Ph0r j00 N37W0Rk 4cc35z.
17'Z r34lLY P1551n' m3 0ff.

4zzH0l3z.

*One of Coop's favorites...

Background here: Just-Passing-Through-Lou
TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Rememberance

2011-11-11T00:01:00.000-05:00

In Flanders Fields

by John McCrae, May 1915

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Perry Campaign Manager?

2011-11-10T22:05:00.000-05:00

From my experience, this is the Texas way of saying
"We don't care how you do it Up North..."

KX59? Belle?

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Making A Good Impression,

2011-11-10T18:34:00.000-05:00

While on this gig, part of my modus operandi was to find and use a laundry drop-off service in whatever city I'm in to wash my clothes in order to save money.
($11 to wash a pair of jeans, $4 to wash a pair of socks? Please.
Your clothes aren't the only ones being taken to the cleaners.)

The hotels that I've been staying at are usually Starwood Properties (Westin, W, Sheraton, Aloft, etc) and as a rule don't have guest laundry facilities, so self-service isn't in the cards either.
Starwood Properties are also occasionally a little highbrow...and the other guests can sometimes be a little snooty...

I had picked up my laundry on the way back to the hotel from the arena and stepped into the elevator with a well-dressed business woman who had just checked in.
She with her big purse and Samsonite rolling bag, me in my 5.11-brand tactical khakis, backpack and plastic bag full of laundry.

The elevator stopped on her floor.
As the door opened she looked at me then at my laundry
and sniffed "Nice luggage. Maybe you'll start a trend." and walked away.

Wow. See you next Tuesday, lady.

In retrospect, I guess I did look a little "Homeless Guy"-ish.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Signs Of The Apocalypse - Part 249

2011-11-08T11:22:00.000-05:00

Truer words were never stenciled....

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Change You Can Believe In

2011-11-07T11:14:00.002-05:00

-or-
Nerd Behavior 101

So...
I keep a small zip-lock bag in my backpack for TSA purposes.

When approaching the TSA gropestation, I take all the change out of my pocket in put it in the baggie.This keeps all the change from gathering down in the bottom pocket of my backpack, along with the BNC barrels, end-to-end fiber couplers, spent 9mm & .44 casings, dog treats, nuts, bolts & RJ45 connectors.

Occasionally I go through it and sort out all the US quarters, nickels, dimes and pennies into a separate bag, and leave all the "others" in the easy access bag.

This provides me with a couple advantages-
First- I always have change for Machine Cuisine on-hand. Yay.

Second- I'm always happy provide a humorous spectacle for valet drivers and bellhops as I dig through my "change purse" for a Loonie or Twonie for a tip.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Odd Outlook Error

2011-11-07T07:17:00.000-05:00

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Take Notes for Next Halloween

2011-11-06T23:15:00.000-05:00

If you give the little hoodlums the good stuff, it saves you clean-up time since you won't have to deal with eggs and toilet paper...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Halloween Phenomenon

2011-11-06T16:12:00.000-05:00

Anyone else notice this?

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Good Things / Small Packages - Part 1

2011-11-05T22:25:00.000-04:00

During the course of my travels this summer I have found more than a few kernels of wheat amongst the chaff when it comes to restaurants...

There was quite a bit of chaff in the form of MickeyD's, Krystals, Chili's and other corporate fast food...
And there was quite a bit of good (or at least interesting) stuff in the form of places like Thom Pham's Wondrous Azian Kitchen and some other stuff in Minneapolis, Cossettis in St.Paul, several trips to The Keg with JR, a NSFW menu in St. Louis, Hooters in Ft.Lauderdale, some churrascaria like Brazaviva, Texas de Brazil & Fogo de Chao, a morning nosh in Jacksonville, good folks and good food in Dallas, a culinary debacle in Chicago, The Original Pantry in LA, some random Canadian observations, and a great restaurant pairing found in Calgary.

I've saved a bulk of really good places in my doorknob file, but I really haven't had the time or inclination to write them up, but I really need to get back on a regular blogging schedule, so here we go with notes from a couple places that serve big flavors on tiny plates....

First - a new tapas place here in Jax Beach (actually Atlantic Beach, but who's holding the GPS?) called Royal Palm Village Wine and Tapas...

Yours Truly, The Woman Who Knows Most Things and Bill & Betsy- long-time family friends from here at the Beach, decided to try this new place out- just to see what's what.

They are located in the old post office building on Royal Palm Drive in Atlantic Beach...
(I must observe that it takes a good bit of confidence in your marketing skills to open a fine wine store directly across the street from an ABC Liquors...but I digress.)
They have a huge wine selection- over 1200 bottles, and a large number of draughts & bottled beers.
There are several options on wine-by-the-glass and a nice 4-glass beer sampler...
I had a nice cider, TWWKMT and Bill had a flight of local draughts each, and Betsy had a red Zin that she liked... We sat outside, next to their herb garden, and enjoyed the evening... The temps were in the mid 70's and it was very enjoyable.
On the nibbles - I'm a sucker for olives, so it was mandatory to get a dish of their assorted Oleaceae. A very tasty mix... Bill also had a plate of the little green nuggets of joy as an appetizer.
We also ordered their wild mushroom bruschetta, and the chicken satay and a selection of cheeses and chorizo...
Bill and Betsy also had seasoned popcorn, the lemongrass ahi tuna, and pork tacos. I got a taste of the ahi...it was nicely done- perfect sear and a very nice dipping sauce. The chicken satay was spicy and quite flavorful and the wild mushroom bruschetta was really tasty too.

We were also treated to a sample of their beef empanadas- made with a beef filling that just melted in your mouth.
(Egregious error corrected in the interest of accuracy. H/T to Constant Reader Tracy)
The empanadas were a lagniappe from the Executive Chef- seems that her daughter goes to the school where The Woman & Betsy teach... a pleasant and tasty surprise.

Our server was quite friendly, knowledgeable about the menu and the beverage selections, and very attentive to our needs and orders.
Overall- a very nice place... awesome beverage selection, friendly people, small plates, big flavors.

Royal Palm Village Wine & Tapas
296 Royal Palm Dr.
Atlantic Beach
904.372.0052

Go. Imbibe. Enjoy.

Next up- More small plates from Denver.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Still Alive...

2011-10-28T11:29:00.001-04:00

Sorry for the light posting.
I'm up to my elbows in documentation...

As I sit here grinding away at pictures and data, I have the TV on in the background.
And since I can't stand talk shows, and have come to hate CNN, FoxNews, & the other "news" channels, I have been keeping AMC or FX on...
Being the Halloween season, there is a preponderance of slasher flicks on the tube. I Know What You Did Last Summer, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, Scream, Halloween numbers 1 to 34, Friday the 13th, 14th and 15th... All the classics.

There is an interesting phenomenon in these movies that I believe the screenwriters lifted from the Hack Writer's Handbook...
They always say that if you come to a point in your story where you are stuck, just have a man burst into the room with a gun.

I'm not sure how well this would have worked if, say, Shakespeare had an issue while writing Hamlet, for instance...

LORD POLONIUS:
    Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
    Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment.
    Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
    But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
    For the apparel oft proclaims the man,
    And they in France of the best rank and station
    Are of a most select and generous chief in that.
    Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
    For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
    And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
    This above all: to thine ownself be true,
    And it must follow, as the night the day,
    Thou canst not then be false to any man.
    Farewell: my blessing season this in thee!

LAERTES:
    Most humbly do I take my leave, my lord.

    Enter: A Man with a blunderbus.

LORD POLONIUS:
   Zounds and gadzooks, tis an AK47!
   Complete with a clip of the banana style!...

So... It seems that in slasher movies, when you reach a point where no teenagers have been killed in 8 minutes, or no red herrings have been flung upon the audience in 6, two teenagers (but not the main characters) must break off from the group and have sex.

(I will spare you the Shakespearean example utilizing Rozencrantz & Guilderstern as the teenagers in question.)

Ghad.

Damn shame I've run through all the episodes of Top Gear available on OnDemand...

Back to normal blogging soon.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Overheard in the Family Room

2011-10-23T23:03:00.002-04:00

The PC also came home this weekend, gracing us with her presence at least some of the time, since the Boyfriend was also in town.
(Talk about being conflicted...)

While watching AMC's The Walking Dead we were remarking how everything is zombie-centric these days.
Books & movies, TV Shows, iPhone Apps, Ready.gov preparedness pamphlets...

PC: "What's up with all this zombie stuff?"
TBG: "Zombies are the new bacon."

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Sunday Morning Recoil Therapy

2011-10-23T14:12:00.000-04:00

I'm back in Jax for a couple days, so I decided to join the guys at the Sunday Morning Breakfast Club & Shooting Society in Ponte Vedra.
I met Jingalls for breakfast, then we headed to the range.

Seems that the Southern Secret Shooty Spot has received a makeover...
A couple weeks ago they poured a slab on the firing line.

I got to put 100 or so rounds through the M&P 15/22, and another 50 rounds of 9mm;
I had most of a box of .44 magnum, so I got to take the .44 Rossi out for a spin, in addition to firing a couple cylinders through Athena...

Firing from 25 yards out, traditional offhand standing position...
(Near the 3rd slab line on the new pad)

I'm not unhappy with these groupings.
(Except that stray 9mm at 11 o'clock one of the other shooters put in my target. WTF dude?)

But I still want a ghost ring rear sight for it...

Seems there is/was lots of other gunny goodness going on this weekend...
Good times...good times.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

What The Hell...?

2011-10-22T18:40:00.000-04:00

Thursday - Game Day
8:00am - Depart hotel
8:30 - Arena
8:31a - 3:30p Testing, tweaking & general maintenance. Everything is 100%
3:31p - Training & game operations mode. (Not 100%, but not bad.)
7:30 pm to 10:30 Game time.
10:31p - Depart arena

Apart from some machine cuisine (a Snickers bar) in the arena I didn't have any food, so I was ravenous...
I headed to the Chili's near my hotel and had a burger for dinner.
Beverage of choice: Diet Coke.
11:15pm - Back at hotel.
11:17pm - Dead asleep.

Friday - Heading home!

8:10a - Head to hotel parking lot.

Uh oh. There's a note on my car.

WTF??!!?!1

Uh, I must have missed something last night...Or...
Did some Hockey Operations groupie follow me and sneak a Roofie into my Diet Coke?

And... Oh no...
That handwriting looks a little masculine to me.

What the hell happened last night?

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Specialty Hardware

2011-10-18T11:21:00.000-04:00

So...
Let me get this straight...

Sumdood, ostensibly a responsible lackey with a class B or class A license, stopped for an overnight and had his truck 'jacked.
(FWIW, when I drive company-owned equipment cross-country, that prospect always scares the crap outta me.)

Inside was some Expensive & Important Stuff.

Seems that there was some pretty powerful magic items too...

Sources said inside that vehicle was about $200,000 worth of sound equipment, several podiums and presidential seals, behind which only the President himself can stand.

So, there is some special force field surrounding these items that keeps anyone except His Serene Majesty the Emperor Barack Hussein Obama II,Lord of the Flies, Keeper of the Hoops, Master of the Greens, Bringer ofKinetic Military Action, Vacationer-in-Chief, Slayer of Osama, and Protector ofthe Holy Cities of Honolulu and Chicago, the Kwisatz Haderachof story and song from standing behind it?

Man, that's some mighty powerful mojo.

Nothing to worry about anyway... I hear they were up for replacement anyway.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE