Friday, September 30, 2011


Now THIS is legroom!
In coach class, no less.

Ice Ice Baby

This shot needs a couple players, a Zebra dropping a puck and a cephlapod carcass.
Otherwise it's some rather nice ice.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

On The Road Again...

Off to Hockeytown!
(Beware the Octopus!)

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Addition to the Blogroll

Look over there to your left- you'll find a new entry on the blogroll.
Take a wander over to North and see the fun stuff he has at his site...

You could even add him to your RSS reader...

(I particularly like the Wednesday's Whiteboard of Wisdom.)

Welcome aboard North.


Think Carefully Before You Give An Answer...

Overheard up in the press level today...

Epic Beard Tech: "You want these five cables labeled?"
Yours Truly: "Sure."
EBT: "Ok... How do you want them labeled?"
Geez, do I need to define every little detail?
YT: "I don't really care, just make sure they're labeled."
EBT: "Okay! Here're your feeds... π, cake, buick, cheese, giraffe..."
Oy veyz!


Monday, September 19, 2011

You're The Reason We Can't Have Nice Things, Hipster.

Dumbassery on parade, Phoenix edition.

Yours truly, standing in line behind two hipsters at Tulley's Coffee in Glendale AZ.
7:20AM on Monday morning.
I will spare you the complete description of this pair, but imagine the $50 black t-shirt, black framed glasses with tiny lenses, too much hair product, and effete whispery voices...

Hipster 1: "...But the Rethuglicans will never pass the new jobs bill, no matter what Obama does to make it good for them."

(YT's ears perk up. This is going to be rich.)

Hipster 2: "Fuggin' a-holes. I'm never going to be able to get a job."

H1:"You've got a job. It's just not a job you like."
H2:"Yeah, but it the jobs bill passes, I might be able to get a job in my field."
(Oh, I have just GOT to pursue this...)
YT: "Pardon me for intruding, but I just HAVE to know... What exactly is 'your field'?"
H1: (laughs)
H2: "What are *you* laughing at? I happen have a degree in First Nations Art studies."

Really? First Nations Art Studies?

And you wonder why you can't get a job in your "field"?
AND you think Stimulus II WILL enable you to get a job in said field?
AND you think it's the Republicans fault that you are unemployable in your field.


Mr. Og's Bladed Tool Survey

"If all the other cool kids were driving their 'blogs off a cliff would you drive yours off the cliff too?"
But of course!

So Og issued a challenge of sorts this fine morning...

"Take the knife out of your pocket and take a picture of it, and post it. Or post a picture of the same knife from a brochure or whatever."

And when The Neaderpundit throws down, all the cool kids respond...
Joanna, JayG, Pissed, North, Marko and Breda all put theirs up...
(Although Pissed's offering shows the effects of his time served on The Short Schoolbus.)

I'm not necessarily one of the cool kids, but I can emulate them...

I picked up a CRKT Pazoda from Fry's Electronics several months back when I lost (yet another) utility pocket folder to the TSA.
(Yes, my fault for not remembering it was in the pocket of my backpack.)

It's got a sharp blade, serrations where they are needed, a good bladelock, and is easy to open and close one-handed...


Talk Like A Pirate,
if you have the opportunity, time and energy.

I'm too damn tired to muster up an "Arrgh" or an "Avast" for today's celebration...
I can, however, throw a couple traditional illustrations of perpetrators of war-like acts of robbery and other criminal action upon the high seas thusly:
Avast, ye scurvy dogs... Heh.

And one can't ignore a recent favorite...
Stranger Tides, indeed.

It seems like International Talk Like A Pirate Day is much more popular than the analogous Keep Silent Like A Ninja Day practiced by the Ninjas R Better Than Pirates crowd.

Know why? Listen to your Uncle Jay- he wouldn't kid ya.

How many girls do you know that dress up like Ninja Wenches on Halloween? (The empty bottle of Capt. Morgan is a nice touch...)
Damned few, I'm telling ya.
Go practice your Google-fu and let me know what you find.


Friday, September 16, 2011

Advancements in Health and Fashion

Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from the University of Florida has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling, bouncing up and down, and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.

At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of him.


Music Interlude
The Ghost of Stephen Foster

A tasty ditty from Squirrel Nut Zippers...

"Met the Ghost of Stephen Foster at the Hotel Paradise
This is what I told him as I gazed into his eyes:
Ships were made for sinking,
Whiskey made for drinking,
If we were made of cellophane, we'd all get stinking drunk quite faster."


Thursday, September 15, 2011


I caught this on my RSS reader this morning and it rang so true-

So very many of my best stories start with "We were drinking pretty heavily and..."

Not so often with "I was having a great Cobb salad when..."

(Astute Constant Readers will begin "Tossing Salad" jokes in 3...2... )

H/T to PISSED at the Feral Irishman who speaks sooth...


Overheard in the Arena - Dissing the Tech Staff edition.

Yours Truly: "Shouldn't we get building IT involved with this?"

Arena Guy: "IT? Are you kidding?"

YT: "No, seriously. Wouldn't they be able to help?"

AG: "Nope. The best way I could explain it is that 'IT' it the last two letters in the word 'SHIT'.

YT: "Ok. Not calling IT then... Who shall we call, the Bank of America?"


Signs of the Crapocalypse

Think before making irrevocable decisions.


Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Day 65...or 103, depending on how you figure it...

Just keep smiling and doing your job...
We promise, we'll let you go home soon...

Monday, September 12, 2011

Another Day, Another Arena

The scene of much angst on my part...

TBG - on the Left Coast

Hello, Security?...

Hi, we're from The League, and we're here to fix your system...

Sunday, September 11, 2011

DTW, 9/11/11

Curb to Departure Gate time: 1:07
They're pulling out all the stops this morning. Everyone gets Nude-o-scope scanned, everyone gets a palm swab & scan, they even have a team of TSA dogs on station at the checkpoint...but I'll be damned if I can figure out how they trained them to sniff out toenail clippers and bottled water.

Bright spot of the day: the Nice Delta Lady didn't charge me an extra $90 (on top of the $35 I already paid) for my bag being overweight.
NDL:"Your bag is 56lbs...That's too much. Can you move something to your other bag?"
TBG: "Sugar, I've been on the road since May. I quit playing 'missionaries & cannibals' with my luggage about 6 weeks ago. Charge me."
I've moved shoes and tools around too many times to keep under the 50lb limit. I'm over it.
I think it was just expediency (and she was either too guilty to charge me $90 for 6lbs, or she was just too lazy to for the paperwork...)
I *know* it wasn't my charm and dashing good looks.
Now if I can just get a seat change...
5 hours in 43C will suck if I can't finagle a bulkhead or emergency row.

TBG - Day...hell, I don't know, 60-something?
(edit to add link. Really GR? You couldn't google it yourself, you had to send an email?)

Sunday, September 04, 2011

Laboring On Labor Day Weekend

Sunday AM: Air Canada Center Centre
(I wish the darned Canucki would learn to spell.)

Day Three and a half in Toronto...Day 54 since I've been home, and day 82.5 of this project.

Woo hoo.

I'm needing some musical attitude adjustment.

The Perfect Child turned me on to this one, and it's perfect for the way I'm feeling today...
(The PC is probably quite pleased with the USF win over Notre Dame yesterday...
Even if it did require Divine Intervention to get it done.)

Zac Brown Band - Knee Deep
(Feat. Jimmy Buffett)

Gonna put the world away for a minute
Pretend I don't live in it
Sunshine gonna wash my blues away
Had sweet love but I lost it
She got too close so I fought it
Now I'm lost in the world tryin to find me a better way

Wishin' I was
Knee deep in the water somewhere
got the blue sky, breeze and it don't seem fair
the only worry in the world
is the tide gonna reach my chair
Sunrise, there's a fire in the sky
never been so happy
never felt so high
and I think I might've found me my own kind of paradise

Wrote a note, said "Be back in a minute"
Bought a boat and I sailed off in it
Don't think anybody's gonna miss me anyway
Mind on a permanent vacation
The ocean is my only medication
Wishin' my condition ain't ever gonna go away

Now I'm knee deep in the water somewhere
Got the blue sky breeze blowin' wind thru my hair
Only worry in the world
is the tide gonna reach my chair
Sunrise, there's a fire in the sky
never been so happy
never felt so high
and I think I might've found me my own kind of paradise

This champagne shore washin' over me
It's a sweet sweet life livin' by the salty sea
One day you can be as lost as me
Change your geography and maybe you might be

Knee deep in the water somewhere
got the blue sky breeze blowin' wind thru my hair
only worry in the world
is the tide gonna reach my chair
Sunrise, there's a fire in the sky
never been so happy
never felt so high
and I think I might've found me my own kind of paradise

Come on in
the waters nice
find yourself a little slice
grab a bag
pack it light you'll never know until you try
when you lose yourself
you find the key to paradise


Boston Bruins - Love the Bear

The bear is the best...
I was thinking about trying out for the part; I have the right attitude, but I don't have the right accent.


Saturday, September 03, 2011

Things You Don't Want to Hear

Overheard at Second Cup @ 6:20 AM Saturday (coffee shop on Bay St.)
Two girls still in Friday Night Out garb having coffee and splitting a muffin.
TBG is minding his business, reading the Globe and Mail.
(By the way, Les Perreaux: Fuck you, motherfucker. Take your pity elsewhere.)


Girl 1: "...your boss says 'We need to talk'."

Girl 2: "Ha. Your boyfriend says 'We need to talk.'; The boss says 'Come to my office.'"

G1: "Right. Or worse- 'Are you busy?'"

G2: "How about- 'Do you know how fast you were going?'"

G1: "This is Mr. So-and-So from BMO calling about your account..."

G2: "Oooo. I hate that. -How about this- Your mom, crying in the bathroom."

G1: "Yeah. How about your boyfriend crying in the bathroom."

G2: "Mine usually cries in the bedroom."

G1 & G2 Laughing...

Then the realized I was listening to them...

TBG: "Know what creeps a guy out? When a girl starts a sentence with: 'My old boyfriend used to...'"

G2: "I think the worst thing would probably be 'Honey, I'm late.'"

G1: "Then the girl usually hears 'We need to talk.'"

Canadian Girls: Scary from the word go.


Spider of Damocles - Part 2


Departing DIA - Standing Ovation

I was already in a foul mood.

Checked out of the hotel at 4:30am, headed for DIA and all the fun of an international departure.

Gassed up and dumped the car, got the shuttle to the terminal, got checked in with minimal effort, even got a bulkhead seat. Woo hoo.

Elapsed time- 2 hours.

Really, Denver? 2 Hours?

Now the fun begins- the TSA Checkpoint @ DIA has always been bad for me, hence the "arrive early as possible" policy for departures from Denver.

So- 6:40am and I'm in line to clear security for a 9:00 am flight.

And the line is loooong.
And since I've been flopped about on so many different airlines I haven't hit any milestones in the Frequent Flyer hierarchy, so I'm standing in line with the hoipolloi.
The only positive thing is they have the Family Lanes and Expert Traveler Lanes once you pass the first mouth-breather that checks your ID, so in theory things should be smoother.

And wouldn't you know, the couple-traveling-with-two-screaming-infants jump into the Expert Traveler line, one person in front of me.
"What's wrong with people? Can't they read the signs?" I said, just loud enough for the woman (business traveler) in front of me to hear... She rolled her eyes.
"You'd think the TSA would help direct these people to keep the flow moving."

You're asking alot honey, that would require a TSA mindset that actually wanted to HELP people, not make them miserable.

Screw it- I'm not in the mood to ruin their day...yet.
And the line is moving slow anyway...

Why is the line moving so slow?

Because it's coming up on 7AM, opening time for all the shops and kiosks in DIA, and all the day workers are jumping to the front of the line to get to work.

You've got to be shitting me, guys... Like five shoeshine guys troop to the front of the line, throw down  the plastic pie plate with their pocket junk and breeze through without even an "pardon me" or a "fare thee well".

You know how you always think of the perfect response, quip, cutting remark or I-shoulda about 10 minutes after the fact? Well, I was trying to be proactive- coming up with a plan of action for when I was up at the front of the line and one of these little bastards tried jump the queue...

Adding insult to injury, the literacy-challenged mom-pop-and-two-screamers are having issues getting all their crap squared away and into bins for the X-Ray...
While they struggle, more cashiers and cleaning staff jam their way past the granola munchers and Precious Snowflake 1 & 2.

And my Irritation Index is peaking.

And I know exactly what I will be saying and doing should someone throw down a bin in front of me and try to cut me off. I've had ten minutes to come up with a plan, and I have one that will probably work and not get me thrown in the DIA TSA holding tank...

Mom and dad and the yardapes finally make it past and are into their secondary screening - TSA Idjits are pawing through their diaper bags and inspecting all the flotsam and jetsam that accompany Travel With Kids, including mom's breast pump. Lovely.

Business Lady is next and as she pushes her bag and shoe bin into the XRay, a 5'0" Hispanic dude with a cleaning company t-shirt logo plops down a bin with his shoes and crap in front of my bag and stands behind Business Lady.

Bullshit, motherfucker.

I took his bin and placed it on the floor and slid it back down the line about 10' with my foot. The several other people in the Expert Traveler line looked at it and smiled...

The dude looked at me like like I'd sprouted horns and a tail....

He looked at the TSA guard at the metal detector- looking for diving intervention.
TSA Guy shrugged his shoulders. He wasn't getting involved.

"I'm allowed! You can't..." Queue Jumper sputtered.

"Wrong. I can. And I did.
And if you think you can just jump in here and inconvenience me without even being the least bit polite about it, I don't feel like I need to be the least bit polite either. I don't care if you DO work here, you should at least TRY to act civilized and ask permission or at least say 'excuse me'."

Two guys behind me gave me a thumbs up and a "Yeah, you tell 'em." and a couple further back started clapping, which spread through the line quickly. Both my line and the one next to mine- everyone that had been seeing the parade of day labor waltz through the checkpoint was clapping and hooting at the Queue Jumper.

I turned back around- slid my stuff into the XRay and TSA Guy waved me through as he tried to keep from laughing out loud.
The TSA Girl behind the XRay was laughing and shaking her head...
"That was beautiful." she said as she passed my bag through.

I never even looked back to see what happened to Queue Jumper. The other guys in line behind me came through laughing.
"That was awesome. I wish I'd had my phone out to catch that on video." one guys said.
I got several smiles and thumbs up as I was repacking my bag and putting my shoes on... I even got an encouraging word from the TSA guys.
"They are supposed to ask before jumping to the front of the line, but people don't usually call them on it."

The rest of the trip was a smooth downhill glide after that; I even sailed through Customs in Toronto like a breeze... I should have gone and bought a lottery ticket.

Of course, I remember the last time I was in Toronto...

Seeing the CN tower brings back some memories...

Yeah, I knew there was a reason I like Toronto.


Lies & the Truths Behind Them

(yeah, you just keep believing that shit...)

by Justin Barber- NOT Beiber