Wednesday, April 28, 2010


I seem to have found the source of my Ex-Wife's cooking...

My first clue: The "INEDIBLE" label...


Kindred Spirit

I shot this pic a couple weeks ago now.

It was down for a few days while they had a birthday message up on the marquee, but the gun-bible-capitalist message is back up.

The have the best subs in town.
Screw the big chain joints like Quiznos, Jimmy John's and Subway... Even the smaller franchises like Larry's and Firehouse can't hold a candle to Angie's.
It's been a favorite of Beaches kids for years- I've been taking the PC and her cohorts there on Saturdays after soccer games forever.
They aren't the fastest, but what the lack in speed they make up in taste and a very unique management style.
They are on my speed dial on my mobile phone... If I call in my order when I leave the office, I can drive the 17 miles to the joint and only have to wait 10 or 12 minutes to get my food.
(Kidding- if you call ahead, it's generally ready when you get there.)
If you are blessed with the opportunity to go there, order The Peruvian:
ham, Genoa salami, bacon, Italian sausage, provolone, Peruvian sauce.
Another Uncle Jay Favorite, the El Guapo: tuna, bacon, provolone, Peruvian sauce.
The Woman Who Knows Most Things prefers the Dirty Gringo:
roast beef, turkey, mushrooms bacon, provolone, Peruvian sauce.

And, oddly enough, no one likes Jack Del Rio:
(turkey, roast beef, bacon, provolone, mushrooms, bar-b-q Fritos, spicy ranch)

Back to the sign...
Seems like Ed Malin, the owner, went to a Tea Party meeting and was inspired to wear his politics on his sleeve, as it were...

He's been getting a lot of press recently,both locally and nationally.

Comments regarding the sign are, as always, entertaining.
From the like-minded Conservatives:
Criminals prefer unarmed victims. From now on - I'm eating at Angie's Subs! Maybe we should receive a 10% discount for showing our concealed weapons licenses!
By the way, I'm a bible thumpin', gun totin', capitalist female!

OMG. I actually love the food at Angies and have been reading the sign for years just to see what comes up. The bottom line here is that (1) it's his business & he has the right to post what he wants and (2) people really need to stop taking things so seriously. It's how he feels & he's not asking anyone to agree or disagree. It's freedom of speech. As long as he keeps making GREAT food, it's all good!

Angies subs was just a regular sandwich shop to me until I saw this sign. NOW I LOVE THEM!!!!!!

LMAO! That is hilarious! I am going to drive out for lunch and get a sub there just for support!

I sure hope he stocked up his kitchen, because it's going to be standing room only today. He took the idea from the tea party, seeing an opportunity to increase business. He didn't wait for government approval, he took the initiative and did it. And he will make money, for himself, and the government. The people who spend money there will actually get something of substance for their money. He IS a capitalist! I'll bet those gun toter's know the proper use of a handgun also.

Many of those who won't go there never did, unless he takes food stamps, or offers up a free lunch. He can now count on a decent law abiding group, not the hateful destructive bunch that they are cracked up to be.
...and the other end of the gene pool- the Asshats and Morons:

I'm all in favor of Tea Party business owners displaying these sorts of signs.
I want to know which businesses are run by jackass morons.

If I see a sign like that in a business, I'll take my money elsewhere.

Glad I never ate there the 30-odd years I lived literally right up the street from it. I'm also glad I don't live in Jacksonville anymore, and this is one reason why...
Dear Asshats,
I guess you won't have to worry about the door hitting you in the ass on the way out, since you won't be there in the first place. I'd prefer you stay away, since it will leave more room for the rest of us...

I'm going to look into the discount for CCW holders, though...


Tuesday Morning Shooting Club

I've been hitting the range on Tuesday mornings with some guys from The Club.
(Tuesday is awesome for me- A little "recoil therapy" in the morning, Double Punch Lunch at Hooters...
What's not to like?)

One of the guys at the range was firing some .38 handloads that were acting a little strange when they hit the plates...
They flattened and fluttered to the ground like snowflakes...

I picked up a couple of these "Range Daisies"... I have to find an appropriate method of displaying them...

Apparently they are a fairly underpowered load, and coupled with the drop plate target, they don't shatter/spall like most FMJ rounds...


Saturday, April 24, 2010

The Parable of The Satellite Dish

 The Parable of the Satellite Dish

Imagine a large condominium complex is meeting to consider a package deal with a cable TV company. Over eighty percent of the condo owners have their own satellite dishes, and are quite happy with the service. Some of them don’t bother to watch television at all, preferring to rent movies from Blockbuster or Netflix for entertainment. However, the condominium Board of Directors says they’re getting a lot of complaints from the residents who don’t have satellite dishes, demanding the condo association purchase a cable TV package, and fold its cost into the monthly homeowner dues.

The homeowners already pay extremely high dues, and they’re not happy with the quality of service they receive. They also notice that most of the people clamoring for cable television aren’t even homeowners – they’re renters, so they don’t pay the association fees directly. The condo owners already host regular movie nights at the clubhouse, which also has a well-stocked library, so no one is truly starved for entertainment. Still, the owners feel guilty that anyone has to make do without TV service in their home, so they invite a cable company to give them a sales pitch.

The cable company, BFD Communications, produces an incredibly complicated plan for providing cable television service to the community. The plan is thousands of pages long, and no one even claims to have read the whole thing. They spend the weeks leading up to the big board meeting pestering all of the residents with relentless advertising for their services, covering doorknobs and windshields with brochures. Their presentation at the board meeting is several hours long.

BFD Communications explains that purchasing their service will require a lifetime contract, which can never be broken. The condo residents will be required to deal exclusively with BFD for their entertainment needs – all satellite dishes must go, and even the library will fall under their control. The contract will include funding for a large corporate security force, which will ensure compliance by issuing fines for illegal satellite dishes, or attempts to smuggle rented movies into the development. As this feature of the contract is being explained to the homeowners, a large screen behind the BFD representatives is flashing slogans like “BFD Enhances Competition!” and “BFD Saves You Money!”

The cable TV contract will be fantastically expensive. Curiously, while it is a lifetime contract, the company refuses to discuss the fee schedule beyond the first ten years. An intrepid homeowner studies the contract and discovers the costs double after ten years… and this assessment was prepared by CBO Auditing, a firm which has underestimated the cost of every contract it has ever reviewed. The condo Board rules that only the ten-year projections matter, and the intrepid homeowner is asked to leave the meeting.

Other homeowners announce they’ve been researching BFD Communications, and discovered it has never been able to deliver promised services at the contracted price. Every single project the company has undertaken experienced enormous cost overruns, and delivered poor quality to its customers. Every time a smaller competitor has been allowed to bid against them, the competitor’s price and performance were superior – that’s why BFD demands exclusive lifetime contracts. The people who make this announcement are told their input is not welcome, and asked to leave the meeting.

A resident asks what different packages BFD will offer. She has small children, so she would like educational programming, but she has no interest in premium movie channels, shopping networks, or morally offensive shows. The cable company explains that only one package will be offered. Its purchase will be mandatory, and the high price of its many channels will be charged to all residents.  A senile old man in the audience claims the BFD executives promised him there would never be any morally offensive programming.
This prompts an angry homeowner to leap from his seat, waving a portion of the gigantic cable TV contract… which says the members of the condo Board of Directors are exempt from the restrictions, along with some of their friends! They can rent movies, purchase high quality satellite service, and avoid having the exorbitant fees for BFD tacked onto their monthly dues.

A loud argument breaks out in the meeting area, with angry residents howling that they want no part of this terrible deal. These people are told their anger disqualifies them from further participation in the meeting, and they are asked to leave.

The remaining critics of the deal suggest that other alternatives should be explored. There are less expensive entertainment options to consider, and since none of them require lifetime commitments, wouldn’t it make sense to try them first?

The Board of Directors insists that the BFD contract must be signed immediately. It’s simply appalling that anyone in the development should endure a single day without entertainment. Why, all of the surrounding condo developments have already signed up with BFD! They all have appalling service and frequent TV blackouts, they’re all broke, and they borrow security officers from our development to keep their streets safe… but their Boards of Directors all laugh at us for refusing to provide BFD cable service to our residents, and our Board is tired of their mockery. The BFD executives mention that no one will actually receive any cable services for five years, but their fees will begin right away.

The meeting ends with the Board of Directors ignoring the demands of homeowners and voting for that lifetime contract with BFD. The residents leave the meeting hall wondering how they reached the point where a small group of Board members, up for re-election over the next couple of years, were able to ignore the
clear wishes of the residents and saddle them with a lifetime contract.

Here are some lessons to ponder from the Parable of the Satellite Dish:

  • Never accept permanent solutions that are nearly impossible to change, when simpler and more easily modified plans are available.  It’s foolish to let the advocates of permanent programs dismiss flexible alternatives before they have been tried.
  • A proposal that requires you to ignore both the past and the future is a swindle, not a solution.
  • Free people do not accept restrictions from which their government is exempt. This is one of the differences between leaders and rulers.
  • A demand for commitment without a guarantee of performance is domination, not service.
  • When free people are told something is “inevitable,” their response should be an immediate and overwhelming refusal to accept it. Inevitability is a self-fulfilling prophecy in the absence of resistance. Freedom is the never-ending quest for alternatives.
  • The people who loudly celebrate “diversity” keep coming up with universal plans. Their State is a giant who trims citizens to fit its bed, using rusty implements. The giant, the bed, and the implements were all equal sins in the eyes of our Founders. They come as a set.
  • When the State refuses to let you debate the terms of its plans individually, you can rest assured the whole is worse than the sum of its parts.
  • Freedom requires the courage to avoid being stampeded. You should ask more questions about something you are told is an “essential right.” Sober reflection is a hallmark of maturity. A wise State would not require its citizens to act like children.
  • The State cannot give you anything worth having. You’ll eventually find yourself guilty of the crime of wanting more. As the State fails to live up to its promises, it will be increasingly tempted to convict you of that crime… in advance.

(From Doc Zero)


Monday, April 19, 2010

Spell Check Is Not Your Friend

...The moment you trust it, it will throw you under the bus faster than politician burying an earmark in a 2,000 page bill that no one will read...

Case in point:
"...recipe called for "salt and freshly ground black people"
Bwahahaha! A fail completely made of win...

Penguin reprints book, peppered with an error, wants it taken with grain of salt

But seriously...Spellcheck will screw you every time...


Really? D'ya think?

Beaches area police urge residents to lock cars to prevent thefts

I would normally say this is a case of "Thank you Captain Obvious" but this is a bit of a bell-ringer:

That's because 50 to 90 percent of auto burglaries involve unlocked cars, said police chiefs and supervisors.
Alas- this is too true...
I routinely have to check on the PC's car to be sure it's locked. She's averaging about a 60% locked rate.
Not good enough for this neighborhood.


Saturday, April 17, 2010

Busy As A...

... one-legged man in an ass kicking contest.

This week is going on record as a monumental bite in the ass.

It started with breakdown in August at A Nice Golf Course... I wanted to make sure all my equipment made it on the truck on Monday morning, but I found out Sunday night that the truck wouldn't arrive until mid-afternoon.
I left the task of load-out in the capable mandibles of The 'Roach and hauled ass for Jax with a switcher that was needed ASAP.
I got it back to the office by 4, and then headed to the PC's flag football game.
(I'll spare you the glowing details of her success as wide receiver except to say she's awesome.)
Part of Tuesday I spent doing my post-event report for Augusta, and trying to get caught up with Old Business.
Wednesday the equipment trucks arrived back in Jax and it was inventory time...
I had to get my stuff back to my office and get it accounted for, and get my perennial Augusta stuff stored away.
Wednesday night had me making pulled pork for our Thursday roundtable meeting, so before the PC's Wednesday night football game I stopped at Costco and picked up 8 pounds of pork shoulder, then went to Scandalweed for the game.
Home at 9, pork in the oven at 9:30 and at 5:30am it was falling apart in shreds. By 7am I had it all pulled, reduced the rootbeer-based potlikker and added brown sugar, mustard, catsup, cumin to make the BBQ sauce.
I split it into two trays- one for the Roundtable and one for Everyone Else...
By the time the meeting was over there was barely enough pork left for a half sandwich when I combined both serving trays.
(Why is it that when the serving starts, people will load up their plates, but at the end no one will take the last 2 tablespoons of the whathaveyou? Just asking...)
So... Meeting adjourned and I have equipment to return to the PGA Tour...but I'm also working on a presentation for our All-Employee meeting next Friday, and the resource deadline is Friday... I'm on a roll so I put off delivery of the equipment 'til Friday.

Friday AM rolls around and I remembered that I had committed to do an Oyster Roast for lunch (a independent mini-fundraiser for KevinB) so I scampered around to get 50 pounds of oysters and got to the office by 10.
10:30 I was on the way to PGA Tour office and when I got there to unload I found a strange padlock on the door of the truck.
I called the office to ask about the lock, no one knew where it came from.
Drive back to the office to play find-the-mystery-key...
We decided to deliver the equipment after the oyster roast, so from 11:45 to 2:30 I was manning the grill roasting oysters by the pan-full and flinging them at hungry IDSers.
3:00, with the mystery lock removed I headed back to Ponte Vedra to drop the lasers.
Back to the office by 4, work on my presentation a bit, then headed home.
Friday night is the Perfect Child's Prom... There are 9 of them taking a limo to dinner, prom, and post-prom breakfast at 1:30am...

The *real* kick in the ass?
After being out until 2:30 AM, the PC and two of her cohorts have a college tour scheduled for 10am this morning.
In Tampa.
And guess who gets to drive them down there?
Yep. Yours Truly.

So, here I sit, blogging away, after a 4 hour drive to the University of South Florida.
We have a late lunch scheduled with Pete & Wendy...then another 4 hour drive back to Jax.

When I get back I need to finish my presentation and look into supplies for next week's shindig-
We're doing a mini Seafood Fest on Wednesday... More oysters, low country boil, crawfish, fish fry... Again, more money raising for the KB fund.
After that, on Friday, I get to give my spiel to the masses.
And though I like writing my 'blog, I hate public speaking if I can see the audience...
So the All Employee Meeting is going to suck.

Onward, through the fog...


Thursday, April 15, 2010

A Late TWSS from Last Week

I was talking to Zach in the warehouse yesterday...
We were discussing Sombrero Night in Augusta where he Really Tied One On.

Apparently, they use stealth tequila in the Ginormous Margaritas...

Zach: "I don't know what happened.I didn't feel anything until I felt everything."
Yours Truly: "That's EXACTLY what she said."


In Honor of Buy A Gun Day

I like guns.
by Steve Lee


Sunday, April 11, 2010

Timely Humor

(A great joke from Mom...)

The Last Nickel

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son..
He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face...
The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back..

The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the Father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "

"No," the woman replied. "I'm with the IRS."


Alert the Media!

SGK: "We need to ask Hole 14 about the Gallery Guards, to see if there is still a problem."
Yours Truly: "Why? We didn't find out about the problem until yesterday. I'm going out this morning to talk to them."
SGK: "No... It was Thursday."
YT: "Nope. Last night.
(long pause)
SGK: "Oh.. You're right."
YT: "What? I'm right? Stop the presses!"
SGK: "Yeah, buy a lottery ticket too. It's your lucky day. Even a blind pig finds an acorn once in a while."



Friday, April 09, 2010

Wasp, Part 2

I has wasps. Let me shows you them.
(NSFW- Language.)

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Quote of the Day - Tuesday

We're discussing movies...
Susan: "...and I've got 'Zombieland'..."
Yours Truly: "I'm holding out to get that on BluRay."
'Roach: "So, what comes after BluRay?"
Susan: "Crystal meth."



A Nice Golf Course TWSS

My cell phone rang...
(At my desk, of course. Even though I have the much-sought-after "Ok to use for The Tournament" sticker, I leave it in my trailer... I have an event two-way radio; No reason to take my phone out there and risk embarrassment or worse.
There's nothing worse than being on course and near a player addressing a ball and having your phone ring. It's worse than the embarrassment of having your cellphone ring as the airplane is taxiing or landing.)

Cockroach: "Why isn't that thing on vibrate?!"
Stick: "Ha! That's what she said."

Oooh. Nice catch.


Quote of the day - Yesterday 4/5/10

Yours Truly: "Jason, I really appreciate your diligence and attention to detail."
Stick: "Don't confuse 'Diligent' with 'Slow'..."



Anytime You Are Ready...

I understand there are more Tastykakes on the way.

We're waiting...


Monday, April 05, 2010

You Missed One

There is guy here at A Nice Golf Course whose job title is, amazingly, Snake Guy.

All this dude does is go out and round up all the legless reptiles, least they frighten the gentry during The Tournament.

I was back on Hole 15 and a call came in on the radio from one of my guys (a yankee, go figure) on Hole 2 that there was "a huge snake on the fairway" and we needed to call Grounds Control and get The Snake Guy out there tout suite since ZOMG yon serpent was getting ready to wreak havoc on the patrons and guests.

15 is hell-and-gone from Hole 2, especially when there is a Tiger 'twixt the two...
But JR and I made it over to Hole 2 before they were able to mobilize Snake-One and I scooped up the offending Pantherophis guttatus and released it over behind the SAPC trailer.

...But not before SGK shot a picture of me and the horrific worm.


I Think That's Hole 7...


Sunday, April 04, 2010

The Filter Keeps Getting Clogged

Oh. Hi. Nice pool.


Feels Like Vancouver

SpongeMark is over at Scoring Control.

The Apostle is out in TV Land

SGK is working with me at SAPC...

It's like an Olympics reunion...
Fun. Nice folks.


Susan: "Just got a Skype from St. Ass. He'll be here tomorrow."

My Thrilled face. Let me shows you it.




I loves me some Peeps.
Peeps peeps peeps.


No Egg Hunting in Augusta

There are things out in those woods that are warm and fuzzy, but they are sharp and pointy too...

Totoro ain't no fuzzy bunny, kids. Get off my lawn.



Only in Canada...


Saturday, April 03, 2010

Wondering About I-95 Construction In Georgia?

This is the head of the Georgia Department of Transportation.

Now you know.


If I Wanted Analysis I'd Have Kept Going To See My Therapist

The Chik-Fil-A assistant manager is making his rounds in the dining room at lunch time, refilling beverages and checking that everyone is having a Quality Lunch Experience at the Washington Road franchise...
As he comes to our table he refills my Dr. Pepper and then I get start getting the Q&A...

Asst Mgr.: "So... I see you picked up some hot sauce at the condiment station..."
Yours Truly: ...chewing, looking at AM with puzzled expression...
AM: "Would you be interested to learn that Chik-Fil-A will be offering a spicy chicken sandwich on our menu in a few weeks?"
YT: "Uh...Yeah, whatever." (They've had the spicy sandwich and biscuit in Jax for a while now.)
AM: "Well, we hope you stop back in when we start serving them..."

What's next...?
AM: "Oh... I see you ordered 2 sandwiches, supersized the waffle fries and are drinking a regular regular coke... Since you apparently are disregarding your caloric intake, can I suggest a slice of pie or one of our double fudge brownies?


AM: "Really? 4 chicken biscuits, potato rounds and a *diet* Dr Pepper? Could I suggest only 1 biscuit and the drink if you truly desire to make any headway on that waistline, Lumpy."

Quit analyzing me based on my purchases...

Have you ever been in a large store like Target or Wal Mart and been apprehensive about what the check out clerk was going to think about you when she saw your purchases?
Obviously, if you are buying a dog leash, muzzle, a 4-pack of pillow cases, a step stool, and a large tub of Vaseline, you deserve the raised eyebrow...

But I'm talking about those worries when you come in looking for something (say...9mm ammo), can't find it, and as you're walking out, you spot a bag of chocolate-covered pretzel clusters...
Do you wonder what the mouth-breather working register 7 is thinking about you as you pay for them with your American Express card.

What I think she's thinking: "Wow. You must really want that candy to make a special trip in here and pay for it on your credit card. What a tard."

What she's actually thinking: "Is 5 O'clock here yet? I can't wait to get the hell out of here and away from these idiots, like this tard with his pretzel nuggets."


Malice With Wings

You know what else is in the air here at A Nice Golf Club, besides a billion metric tons of pollen?

Wasps. Lots of them.

And I'm not talking about mayo-eating, Buick-driving white guys...

I'm talking about airborne anger with and attitude and armament.

Watch your ass.


Life Is Good

With the pollen in the air here at A Nice Golf Course approaching maximum density, you might be questioning my perception of Life and how "good" it is...


You gotta have priorities.

We are now a Tastykake enabled zone here at SAPC...
Woo hoo.

You know, for being a woefully ignorant misguided asshole damn yankee, sometimes T-Rav has his moments...


Friday, April 02, 2010

The Humble Abode, Augusta Version

This is my office.

19 Pelican rifle cases, 12 Pelican Storm Cases, 40 MC70s, 35 Geo batteries, 30 laser trigger batteries, 27 walkie-talkies, and a cartridge in a bare tree...

Guess what happens when a Richmond County Sheriff's Deputy sees stacks of rifle cases and rocket launcher cases (his words) through a window during a routine sweep...

It's not quite the same reaction as when the DOT Agricultural agent looks in the back of the truck during an Agricultural inspection station check as I drove the equipment up here...

About a mile short of the FL/GA state line I stop at the inspection station and get waved over for a visual inspection.

I unlock the cargo door, letting it roll up as the inspector looks inside.
"Uh, Sir... Could you step over here while we inspect your cargo a little more thoroughly. Please keep your hands where we can see them..."
Nervous DOT AgAgent: "So... Uh... What's in the cases?"
Yours Truly: "Lasers."
NDOTAA is not amused by my honesty.
NDOTAA: "Cletus, keep an eye on Mr Funnyman there while we open a couple of these babies up."

After opening a random assortment of cases and trying to puzzle out the Laser Atlanta rangefinders and Trimble Geodimeters, he returns to Cletus and I as we are discussing kudzu and crown vetch.

NDOTAA comes back over.
"Okay- yer good to go. You know I had to check it out... Doin' my part for homeland security."
YT:"Yeah, whatever."

Contrast to here in Augusta...

Sheriff's Deputy: "That ain't nothin' dangerous is it?"
YT: "Nope."
SD: "Okay, just checking."


It Begins

Back in Augusta at A Nice Golf Course. Again.

And, amazingly, last night was Sombrero Night 1.0

There were several bloggable moments...
Like Zach trying to drown himself in a Margarita Jacuzzi.
Zach trying to take home the award for "Highest Margarita Consumption"
Zach trying to pour out a significant quantity of Margarita into a hidden vessel that was not one of his bodily orifices. And getting caught.
Well... You get the idea.

Obligatory TWSS/OOC quote

Crump: "I'll bet your taco tastes good."

Acceptable, if he was talking to young lady.
Alas, he was talking to Zach, who replied:
"Hurblarglblarghhh!" into his 5-gallon Margarita glass.

I'm firmly embedded at SAPC central, not unlike the proverbial Alabama Tick, trying to avoid going outside since the Pollen Index here at A Nice Colf Gourse is something like 2.5 kilotons of pollen per cubic meter of air.

Today's pollen map from

And everything is covered in an inch-thick blanket of yellow powder.

Waitress, another Benadryl smoothie please.


PS - Still no sign of a Tastykake.

Dearth. Lacking. Absence.

The SAPC trailer is still a Tastykake-free zone.

Apparently the Socialists at Scoring Control are pretty selective about their collectivist redistribution.

This means YOU, T-Rav.

(We are, however, up to our eyeballs in Peeps and Motorola MC70s.)